Attractive women everywhere can relate. When you are a 7 or above on the looks scale, it’s hard not to fall subject to the pressure of dating someone who is as sexy, if not sexier than you are, and the pressure won’t stop there!
Once you agree to date a 7+ guy, you then have to constantly maintain your look, or even work harder to make yourself a higher number. This means dressing right, looking acceptable to his friends, working out, eating healthy, not to mention constant trips to the salon! But, what about the attractive girls who don’t want to deal with the superficiality? The girls who will settle for a 5, if you’d even call it settling. Yes, I’d date a 5, but if I had to date a 5, they’d have to possess these other outstanding attributes.
1. Humor – rolling-on-the-floor style
Make me laugh, and make me laugh often. Too many attractive guys lack substance, and when it comes to making a real joke, forget about it. I don’t want to use my pity laugh on a regular basis. I want to feel good when I’m around you. Make me laugh with you, and not at you. A guy with a great sense of humor paired with a contagious laugh/ smile can make any girl melt. And when it comes time to meet my friends, they’ll know exactly why I love you.
2. Patience – put up with me
No one wants to date a guy — or girl, for that matter (I’m sure men can relate) — who is more into themselves than into you. I want someone who cares about my well-being, as I expect to do the same for him. And, as a woman, yes I’m going to have mood swings. I’m going to PMS, get angry, and even a little jealous. But I’m looking for that guy who is understanding, and doesn’t just run to the closest hot blonde because I’m not catering to him that moment.
3. Passion – love what you do, or at least act like it
The guy I want to date is truly interested in what he does for a living — and if he isn’t he makes it clear from the get-go that he is going to work hard to make his dream a reality. He does not want me coming home every day to complain about my job, and I don’t want him doing that either. Love what you do, or find something to love — yes that could be a hobby as well.
4. Flexibility – no, not physically
Guys, get your mind out of the gutter. I don’t mean someone who can do advanced yoga moves, or teach me insane positions in the bedroom (which is okay every once in a while too). I’m talking about someone who makes time for me, and if he can’t he makes it up to me. Plan something a few weeks in advance, and even when you have to work, send me loving text messages, and call me to wish me a good night.
5. Spontaneity – surprises, surprises, and more surprises
”I don’t think there is anything worse than being ordinary.” — Angela Hayes, American Beauty (1999)
Don’t be complacent. No, I don’t always want to stay home, and no I don’t want to the same tired bar over and over again. Switch things up. Grab tickets to a show I mentioned, place my favorite flower across my pillow, or suggest we go skydiving. It’s the best way to catch a girl’s attention, and leave her wanting more.
Yes, I’ve dated a 5, but if I added his “looks rating” to his “personality score,” he would have been an 8 because he met the requirements above. I’m not alone in this movement. All men need is a little confidence and compassion, and they’ll get further with 7+ women than they may think.
I don’t have, nor have I ever had, a smart phone. Two years ago, I had to renew my 2-year contract with Verizon and get a new phone. I had a basic phone with a slide-out keypad and wished to replace it with a smart phone, but, as my sister didn’t get an iPhone until her college graduation, it was understood that I wouldn’t get one until mine (as a side, I have graduated, but for irrelevant reasons, I’m still coaxing my basic phone into submission). My parents wished to treat my older sister and me as equally as possible, and they didn’t think it would be fair to her if they got me an iPhone while I was still in school. Thing is, when my sister was in college, smart phones were not as prevalent as they are today. No one expected anyone to have one, like people expected (and still expect) you to have a Facebook account. It wasn’t a big deal if you didn’t have one. But it is today.
Here are some thoughts and observations I have had involving smart phones.
1. Not owning a smart phone can be quite lonely and isolating. Try to think about all the things you do with your smart phone, and then try to imagine not being able to do any of it. I have never taken a selfie or Instagram shot, updated a Facebook status on the go, used an app — you get the idea. Since a lot of social interaction revolves around the smart phone or things associated with it (I can’t count the number of conversations I’ve been a part of that include Snapchat references, or how many times my Group Me text messages include pictures or emojis I can’t look at), I miss out on a lot. I can’t get behind current trends, so I constantly feel out of the loop. Even more, I have been having an increasingly difficult time communicating with people. I have long-distance friends who only communicate via Instagram or Snapchat, so I can’t keep in touch with them, or rather, they won’t keep in touch with me. I have learned from all of this that if someone in your life is worth it, you’ll make the effort to communicate with them, regardless of the ease with which you can.
2. I’ve heard people complain about the amount of debt they’re in, or how they can’t go out and do fun things because they don’t have the money to do them. Yet these are the same people who not only own smart phones, but also pay for their teenagers to have them as well. With Verizon, it costs to add a new smart phone to the family plan. So if three people in a family have smart phones, the family is spending at least 0 each month, or ,880 every two years. “But I need it for work! The kids need them, too!” I do understand that certain jobs require one to own a smart phone. I worked as a student research assistant for a professor and she berated me for not responding to her emails straight away. I could only check my email as often as I could access a computer, and since I was in class all day, I couldn’t check it as often as she would’ve liked. Ideally, your boss and colleagues would understand your inability to respond promptly to emails or to do whatever work-related things you need to do on a smart phone, but they might not and that’s just the way society seems to work these days. But do your kids really need iPhones? I survived high school and college without a smart phone – your kids can, too, at the risk of feeling left out when their friends’ conversations inevitably turn to Snapchat. I’m not saying everyone should give up their phones right now. But if you truly struggle with your finances — if you’re thousands of dollars in debt, reconsider: do you need a smart phone or do you want one?
3. Each time a new friend or family member gets a smart phone, I typically feel disappointed. You might accuse me of jealousy, and you’d be right, but the disappointment generates primarily from someplace less sinful. Whenever a friend gets a smart phone, there is usually a noticeable shift in our conversational style. The person in question engages less with me and in the surrounding environment and more with The Phone. It is quite sad, really. My friends will be with me but won’t be present with me; they’re choosing to spend their time with the friends with whom they’re Snapchatting or stalking on Facebook or Instagram. Or, if there’s a lull in the conversation, they’ll log onto Flappy Bird or whatever the latest game craze is. It makes me feel inadequate, to be honest. Like they’d rather be doing something else, but they’re stuck with me, so they do what it takes to tolerate the time we have together. I’ve called a few people out on it: “Hey, get off your phone and talk to me.” They usually say something along the lines of, “Well, we weren’t really talking, so…” Do you know why we weren’t talking? Because you were on your phone and when I say something I can tell you’re not really listening; it really is like talking to a wall, and why would I want to talk to a wall? A wall isn’t going to respond to me. I’m not co-dependent, but when we make plans to get coffee, I want to talk to you and not look at you look at your phone. Not all my friends are like this, thankfully. Some of them put their phones away, maybe even turn them off. With them, I feel like they truly value my time, and I cannot emphasize enough how much I appreciate them for it.
Like I said, I’m not advocating that we as a society revert back to the days when smart phones were nonexistent. They are incredible devices that push us towards being more knowledgeable and efficient than ever before. We no longer need to sit and try in vain to remember which other movies that one actor has been in, or wonder what gluten actually is (this takes me back to that How I Met Your Mother episode, “Mystery vs. History”). You can spot a fresh eggplant at the grocery and look up a quick eggplant recipe to see what other ingredients you’ll need. You can play a round of Flappy Bird when you get to the Comcast service center and find that you’re #121 in line and #82 is next in line. And you can get lost on campus and find your way without nonverbally proclaiming your freshman status. The possibilities are endless.
But as smart phones are meant to help connect us to people from all over town and all over the world, I think it’s ironic that they also help us disconnect from people close to us. And as smart phones can help us learn anything at any point in time, I think it’s ironic that they also help serve to dumb our intellect and promote egotism. And finally, with so many people in debt, I can’t help but wonder what everyone’s financial situations would look like if people opted for basic phones over smart phones (note: I am not presuming that everyone in debt has a smart phone, but I would imagine that that there is a sizable number of people in debt who own them).
I might sound judgmental because I don’t have a smart phone and I don’t know what I’m talking about. In fact, if I had a smartphone, I might be doing some of the same things I’m complaining about, like ignoring my friends when we’re eating dinner together or taking endless numbers of selfies. Maybe the problem isn’t the smart phone, it’s that I’m choosing to spend my time with the wrong people. I wonder where we’d be as a society if we didn’t have smart phones — maybe we’d be better off, maybe not, it’s impossible to say; all I can do is hope that, as it is becoming an increasingly common thing to hope, we as a society own smart phones and not let them own us.
In late June and early July of 1934, during a week that would be known as The Night of Long Knives, Hitler dispatched his secret police to carry out a string of executions to silence journalists and government officials that dared to speak out against him. And just last week, Anthony Cumia was been similarly silenced – fired from his job on satellite radio – for the simple act of airing the unpopular opinion that black people are inferior to whites, inherently dangerous, and a problem that must be dealt with by white people.
In 2005, Michael Richards, who played the neurotic character Newman Costanza on the popular Jerry Seinfeld Hour, was blacklisted from Hollywood and barred from ever publicly performing again after he accidentally said the n-word while sneezing on stage. He apologized. He had Jerry apologize for him. He repented, yet they still never shot new episodes of Seinfeld. The message was clear: if you voice unpopular opinions, your right to a television show will be permanently removed.
When Donald Sterling spoke out against the black community with carefully thought out criticisms of their questionable behavior toward his girlfriend, the media and the government were quick to step in and call for his immediate jailing and death – but not an actual jailing and death – a symbolic one. A jailing and death that’s much worse, because instead of going to jail or being killed, they make you sell your basketball team for more money than most of us will ever see in our lives. Unlike jail, giving someone money as punishment doesn’t come with the cool title of political prisoner and you don’t get to feel tough. People don’t have sympathy for you. What happened to Sterling is actually a lot worse than going to jail.
The parallels in the above examples and the Cumia case are obvious (especially the Hitler one), and while there is a significant amount of backlash towards Sirius (perhaps not enough) the most troubling aspect is how often things like this are occurring these days. It’s almost as if Americans no longer care about freedom of speech. It’s almost as if were living in Nazi Germany, and everyone who thinks you shouldn’t say racist stuff is Hitler, and people like Cumia are brave and not just racist old men who shouldn’t be on the radio. It’s almost as if being fired is the new gas chamber, and being racist is the new Jewish, and criticism on twitter is the new Holocaust. It’s almost like all of those things.
In fact, the only difference between the historical kind of violent censorship seen in Nazi Germany and the kind were experiencing now is that the consequences for voicing unpopular opinions are designed to be so subtle that they blind people to how damaging they actually are. That’s what prevents people from calling foul play when these infringements occur. Think about it – if we had killed Cumia for going on a racist rant, the censorship would be clear, and we would band together as people and kill the President and take back the country like in my fantasies. But, since “all” they did was fire him, nobody is talking about how this is a clear act of censorship. Nobody except all of his fans which are calling for a boycott of Sirius’ sponsors.
Sure, Cumia could use his popularity – and this recent boost in publicity – to start his own podcast that could be supported through either subscriptions, crowdfunding, or advertising (and probably make as much if not more than he was making at Sirius) but do we really want to live in a world where people fear speaking their minds because it might force them to not be dependent on corporations? Do we really want to live in a world where you can circumvent the needs and desires of corporate sponsors and speak directly to your fans, and support yourself with their contributions? That sounds a lot like communism to me. That doesn’t sound free at all.
Do we really want to live in a world where an organization is allowed to fire someone who represents that organization simply because if they didn’t, the organization would lose money and appear to support racism? I certainly don’t. I don’t want to live in Nazi Germany. I want to live in a free country where you can say whatever you want and by law people aren’t allowed to punish you for it or stop giving you money. I want to live in America.
My roommate and I are falling in love. At least I think. And kind of hope.
I’ve been living alone in a studio for the last few years, but was recently open to the idea of living with roommates again if I found the right situation. Little did I know how right it would be.
One day I’m sitting at a restaurant that I frequent multiple times a week, when I see two girls walk in to eat. One of them — we’ll call her Rachel — immediately caught my eye. But I’m not a big fan of hitting on girls when they’re with a girlfriend, so I left it alone.
Three days later, I’m sitting at the same restaurant, when Rachel appears, this time by herself, and sits on the outside patio, along a main street. Poised to approach her, I play the whole “What’s my opening line going to be?” game with myself for a few minutes. Suddenly, a guy walking on the street along the patio starts talking to her and eventually comes to sit with her for a solid 30 minutes. The whole situation caught me off guard, causing my “poised to approach her” attitude to lose all of its steam, so I didn’t. Whatever, you can’t win ‘em all.
Meanwhile, I’m searching for a new apartment through an online service, and I find an apartment I really like. So I message the person who listed it; turns out it’s a girl, there’s a second roommate, and the two of them are looking for a third roommate for a 3-bedroom apartment. We agree to meet, and when we do, the second roommate is — you guessed it — Rachel.
Eventually, the three of us decide that I’ll be the third roommate, and I subsequently lose all hope regarding Rachel, solely because the unwritten rules say you can’t (or at least shouldn’t) mess around and/or date your roommate. Right? Well, maybe not…
It’s been a week since I’ve moved in, and frankly I feel like I’m getting exponentially more vibes from Rachel. We definitely flirt, and she’s pretty touchy-feeling with me. It probably goes without being said that I’m reciprocating with vibes of my own, trying to find a medium between making her aware of my vibes while not being too obvious. But maybe she’s just a super friendly, touchy-feely person with everyone in her life? Maybe she feels overly comfortable with me because we’re roommates?
But that’s not all. Being roommates now, we’ve spent a lot of time together, both alone and with the third roommate. We’ve talked about dating in general, what we want in a significant other, what we want in the future, and other things of that nature. Based on those conversations, it really seems to me that we’re a great fit for each other, because we’re both looking for the same things, both in the short and longterm. Which leads me to believe that the risk is worth it, because she’s not just a girl who I want to have fun with; it seems like there’s some serious long-term potential here.
So, what do I do? Ultimately, I have to (or at least I think I have to) address the situation at some point. A friend of mine told me to make Rachel dinner, just the two of us, in the apartment when the third roommate isn’t there, and see what comes of that. It’s a good idea, but I don’t like to beat around the bush and would rather just sit her down at some point to ask her point blank, “Is something going on with us?”
I’m writing this post solely to get feedback from you, the readers, to determine how I should treat this situation. Feel free to respond in the comments section.
If it works out, you’re all invited to the wedding.
I will be honest, I read every single article but I have yet to have the epiphany.
I will be the first to say I hate being single, and I am not comfortable being alone. This, yes, does spawn from insecurities and an insatiable need to be validated by the opposite sex. I however, do not view wanting to be in a relationship or spend your twenties dating one person seriously as a horrible attribute. Any time this conversation is brought up I am met with the same response and reaction from people. “You are young, enjoy it while you can, you have all the time in the world to be in a relationship.”
I understand that being young is something that you should treasure and value, but how is it that being in a relationship simultaneously has such a negative connotation to want to spend your twenties making memories with someone other that yourself or your girlfriends? Is it wrong to yearn for a deeper connection that watching awful romantic comedies with your gal pals on a Saturday night? I find myself with a long list of failed relationships and an even longer list of evenings spent in my backyard downing beer and after beer with close friends discussing how we internally all want the same thing. Human connection.
I spend the majority of my time working, which has recently made me realize I would like to have a reason to step away from that every now and then. Saying that you don’t need a man to be happy is valid. I would like to point out there is a huge difference between needing and wanting something.
You are correct, I do not need a man to be happy. Has it ever crossed someone’s mind though, that I want a man to be happy with?
Another phrase tossed around so much is, “You can’t love someone until you love yourself.” Thank you for that wonderful piece of wisdom. Has the idea ever occurred to you though, that maybe a man can point out things and make you realize that you have more qualities to love about yourself than you even realize?
It amazes me that people are stern about not needing a relationship, or being with someone, or vocalizing how we need to be alone in our young age to discover who we really are. I want to discover who I am with another person intimately. I want someone to point out my odd quirks and stubborn behavior because I don’t realize them.
There is nothing wrong in with wanting to curl up on the couch with someone and watch documentaries. It is completely ok for you to get excited at the idea of someone taking you out to dinner, to wine and dine you. It is more than acceptable for you to want to share your time off with another person that is interested in you physically and intellectually. You are not committing a crime against women if you admit that you like being in a relationship no matter if you are 22 or 62. There is no rule stating that you are less of a female because you don’t enjoy spending your time away from the worlds stress by yourself.