I love my mother. Her illness does not make her any less of a role model in my eyes. I do not judge her for spending most of her teenage years, early twenties, thirties, and some of her forties fighting the urge to purge – and losing. After many years of being angry and confused I understand her struggle. I understand what it feels like to develop a severe sense of inadequacy as a teenage girl due to a lack of control in your life. I understand how it feels to have vicious numbers constantly pushing their way into your brain every time hunger pangs hit. I understand how it can feel like winning when months of damage makes those hunger cues disappear altogether and you’re left with a seductive emptiness instead. I understand how the act of eating can become so taboo that any intake feels so unnatural during the day, but as soon as night falls there’s an inescapable urge to binge on every cracker in the box, every bean in the can, and even every drop of jam in the jar. I understand all these terrible facts about eating disorders, so I do not blame my mother for making our house her “safe zone”. By this I mean our house is free of anything that may trigger her emotional eating leading to a binge leading to a purge.
As a child I resented the fact that I could never reach for a Pop Tart, a handful of Lays, or a scoop of ice cream at home. Then, as I got a bit older I began to realize that it wasn’t just standard junk food that was missing from my shelves; it was all food minus a few low-calorie, low-carb staples. When my friends ate sandwiches at lunch-time, I pulled out a cold, bun-less hot dog because bread was not something my mother let us buy at the grocery store. When dinnertime rolled around at one of my play-dates there would be the occasional order placed to Pizza Hut or Dominos, but generally I was served a dinner that consisted of salad, some rice or pasta, and a sweet meat dish. My own dinners at home were always a switch up between Mexican take-out or McDonalds.
It wasn’t until I was in high school that my dad confided in me about my mother’s past with bulimia. He told me how she hasn’t “practiced” in years, but when she finds herself alone with bread products, snacks, cookies, etc. she still feels the urge to binge, and resisting that urge is something she still hasn’t mastered. It finally made sense why my cupboards and refrigerator shelves looked so different from my friends’ and why my dinners consisted of single portion take-out meals that didn’t yield leftovers she could binge on. That’s my background. I don’t think it’s why I developed anorexia and that’s not what this article is about. I don’t wish to discuss my sickness but rather, my recovery.
After my family grew aware of all the weight I had lost while I was away at college, the first step towards recovery was to move back home. It was my choice. I knew I’d feel more comfortable in that setting; I thought would be able to exercise more control over my surroundings and not feel as compelled to control every calorie entering my body. For the most part I was correct. But moving back to the house where healthy staples such as pasta, rice, and bread were still banned has made recovery twice as difficult.
As a bulimic my mother had to re-learn how to eat without binging. As an anorexic I’ve had to re-learn how to eat without restricting and to be honest, it’s much easier to restrict when certain foods just aren’t around. In a way my house is an anorexic’s paradise because it’s sickeningly easy to under-eat when the only options available are things like egg whites, frozen vegetables, and yogurt. I’m proud of my mother for recognizing her triggers and creating an environment for herself that helps her avoid binging and purging. She prefers to eat her meals out of the house to avoid having prime binge candidates at her disposal but she’s still nourishing her body and more importantly that nourishment isn’t ending up in the toilet. I am proud of my mother’s recovery, but I can’t help but feel that my own is in jeopardy. This is a pivotal point in my life where I’m young enough to replace my unhealthy habits with better ones, but in order to do that I need to address my own triggers. I need to become more comfortable with eating things like Pop Tarts, Lays, and ice cream again. I wish that my home could be my “safe zone” as well as my mother’s, but when you’re a recovering anorexic living with a mostly recovered bulimic that’s not entirely realistic.
A one-night-stand turned periodic-booty-call, what a remarkable opportunity you both have in front of you! She’s always down to come home with you from the bars without freaking out about if you’ll call her the next day. If this is your situation, you and the “Cool Girl” have likely talked about how you both aren’t looking for anything serious and want to keep this fairly casual. It’s important to set up boundaries and guidelines moving forward and she’s 100% down. Almost the perfect girl; not only attractive, but she’s funny, laid-back, and can hang with the bros without getting weird or begging for your attention. You guys have banged a few times and still no sign of her trying to tie you down (phew!) Here are some of the key strategies you can take to completely fuck it up and turn her into a normal person with real-live human feelings:
1) After you hook up, insist on snuggling until you both fall asleep, even if she says she doesn’t like cuddling.
2) Text her randomly, not to hook up, just to talk. Ignore her if she seems weirded out by this.
3) Kiss her. Not to make-out or initiate hooking up, but just kiss her on the forehead, the nose, while she’s sleeping.
4) Invite her to hang out with you and your bros.
5) Treat her like she’s your girlfriend in front of your bros.
6) Treat her like she’s your girlfriend behind your bros’ backs.
7) Ask her questions about her family, about her goals, her job and her friends.
Remind her how gorgeous you think she is, like every time you hang out with her.
9) Tell her that you think she’s the shit; that she’s not “like all the other girls” and that your friends love her and think she’s hilarious.
10) Take her out for dinner and make other future plans together. Comment on how much fun you had and how much you love spending time with her.
Things are going so well! Damn, she’s actually into you and it kinda feels good! You got the hot girl to fall for you so now it’s time to really spice things up:
11) When she sleeps over again, lay on the complete opposite side of the bed and DO NOT touch her. If you feel her foot touch your leg in the middle of the night, move immediately.
12) Go back to only texting her around 9 or 10 on a Friday when you have nothing else to do.
13) Ignore her in front of your bros.
14) Ignore her when it’s just the two of you, even if you initiated hanging out again.
15) Make sure you are not paying attention when she tells you things about her day or how stressed out she is about her job.
16) Comment on the ass of the 10 that just walked by you two getting coffee (if she’s a cool girl, she would agree with you anyways, right?)
17) If she brings up the whole “what are we” conversation, politely remind her you both agreed on keeping this casual. Just because you’ve acted like you like her for the past 8 months, doesn’t mean you actually want to be around her.
18) Never ask her what’s wrong if she looks like she’s upset. She’s probably just on her period or something.
19) If she gets up and leaves your place randomly, assume it was because she didn’t feel well, not because you ignored her the whole time she was over.
20) Stop hitting her up entirely and out of the blue, but if you see her act like everything is completely normal. It’s not like you guys were a couple, so she has no reason to act weird about it.
Okay so it’s been about a month or so since your last hookup encounter, now is the PERFECT time to shoot her a text to see if she’s still DTF. She agrees to come over, but she gets there and acts like a fucking crazy bitch telling you there is no way she is hooking up with you and that she deserves a lot more than what you’re giving her, shit, maybe she will even start crying. CONGRATULATIONS! You singlehandedly turned the cool chick into a needy psycho.
Girls CAN 100% be okay with just hooking up. 150% really. Just make sure your actions match what state from the beginning and do not in any way ever act like you care about her. She is not going to give a shit about “your relationship” if you just treat it exactly like what you BOTH initially had in mind.
The authenticity in this scene between Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams is the entire reason why Blue Valentine was originally rated NC-17. Enough said.
The Affair – Chloe (2009)
In this film, a woman (Julianne Moore) hires an escort (Amanda Seyfried) to seduce her husband, and then ends up getting seduced herself, culminating in this steamy scene. Seyfried is seriously at her best, and I would apologize that the clip is in a different language, but I doubt anyone even noticed.
Annette & Sebastian – Cruel Intentions (1999)
This cherry-popping scene between Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe is heightened by the fact that these two actors were already in a serious relationship outside the film. The chemistry is tangible, and really makes us wish Reese and Ryan could have somehow made it work.
Library Scene – Atonement (2007)
Nothing is sexier than two immensely attractive people going at it a few rooms down from a huge dinner party. Cecilia and Robbie really were amazing together, and then stupid Briony had to ruin everything with her lies. WE HATE YOU BRIONY. Well, at least we can watch this scene over and over (and over and over) again and pretend they ended up together.
The First Time – Blue Is The Warmest Color (2013)
The film tracks the relationship between two women as comes of age while experimenting with a same-sex relationship. This particular scene clocks in at a surprising seven minutes, and features very graphic sex between the two main characters. This one almost didn’t make the list simply because there’s an argument to be made that the scene is actually porn. But it’s technically in a movie, so here it is.
Ice Cube Scene – Nine ½ Weeks (1986)
In this film starring Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke, the two characters enter into an impersonal affair, featuring this creative use of an ice cube.
Tent Scene – Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Two cowboys have never been sexier than in this scene when the two protagonists finally put an end to the pent-up sexual tension that exists between the two of them.
Piano Scene – Pretty Woman (1990)
This scene, between businessman Edward Lewis (Richard Gere) and prostitute Vivian Ward (Julia Roberts), is great because of how raw Gere and Roberts make it feel. Plus, what’s sexier than a grand piano?
Noah & Allie Make Up Sex – The Notebook (2004)
Say what you want about this movie, the sex scene that comes right after the infamous why-didn’t-you-write-me-kissing-in-the-rain bit is great, and another instance where real-life romance translates into amazing on-screen chemistry.
Basically Any Sex Scene – Wild Orchid (1989)
This scene (start the video at 5:34) is just one of many sex scenes in this film. The film revolves around a young inexperienced woman who enters into a torrid relationship with an older millionaire (wait, this sounds familiar…). Does the film have good dialogue or plot? Not especially. Is it chalk full of erotic scenes? Absolutely.
Train Scene – Risky Business (1983)
After messing up a college interview, Lana (Rebecca De Mornay) takes Joel (Tom Cruise) onto a deserted train to have sex. The music in combination with the dim lighting makes this scene sexier than we really want scenes with Tom Cruise to be.
Spanking Scene – Secretary (2002)
It’s 50 Shades of Grey before 50 Shades of Grey. In this film, a young woman gets a job as a secretary where her boss introduces her to the world of S & M. This scene, which keeps an unusual amount of clothes on for an erotic scene, shows the secretary’s initial sexual awakening.
If you’ve never had a sibling, you don’t know how to feels to have someone there when your parents get into a heated argument. There’s no one around to help coach you when a bully is messing with you or when you just need your big sis to assist with showing you how to do your hair.
Sure, your folks are around, but do you really want mom invading your space when you like a boy at work? You want to seek advice from your older sister to assist you with getting Trevor to notice you!
1) You always have someone to hang with!
Since you are connected through blood, you have an understandable love for one another. The bond between brother and sister and sister to sister is unlike any other relationship you have in life. While you have friends, there’s still nothing like having a brother or sister by your side!
2) You have someone to share clothes with and steal her style!
Your middle school years are the most complicated, so having an older sister with an incredible wardrobe helps! She has the most up-to-date clothes and she’ll never know if you steal her plaid sweater because she has piles and piles of clothes! Shhhhh
3) You don’t have to explain why you got home so late.
Do you really think your siblings are going to care about your late-night booty call? They don’t care and won’t disclose this information with your parents because well, they got your back!
4) You don’t have to attend family gatherings solo.
Since you have siblings, you don’t have to be the center of attention at Aunt Ree-Ree’s because well your brother and sister will have to endure the same conversation. Ugh. In this case, going to family get-togethers, you’ll need your sibling more so than usual! How many times can you sit and hear the same story?
5) When you’re scared to tell mom and dad something, they’ll be there to soften the blow.
No need to worry! When it comes to divulging huge secrets, your siblings will be there to make it less s****y. They’ll cover for you and tell a secret of theirs first so your parents don’t ground you for the rest of time!
6) They will never ever stop loving you!
You and your siblings have a bond that will live on for centuries! They will love you no matter what and won’t judge you too harshly. Isn’t it just grand to have siblings?
You receive good morning texts from this guy as the day begins. He asks you how your day goes. He texts you first about random things to start a conversation. You say BRB but he persists on bringing up a new topic to keep the conversation going. You talk to each other until the end of the day.
He tells you that you’re beautiful without any makeup on. He believes in you more than you do to yourself. He never looked at your imperfections. He compliments you even if you feel that you do not deserve it. He supports your goals in life. He makes you laugh.
These mixed signals makes you confuse about what the real score is between the two of you. You ask him why he does those things but he only gives you vague responses. Although actions speak louder than words, you still want to clear things up. Your patience is wearing than you could have shouted in his ears, “Man up!”
He has been doing this for long and maybe he is just a waste of time. You do not want to be in this kind of unlabeled relationship forever. Chances are, he may be showing signs that he has no balls because:
1. He does not even ask you for a date.
Yes, he may text you or communicates with you through social networks but he is not willing to go out with you. Spending time with each other in person is a lot more genuine and romantic, right? Remember that everything can be faked if you only communicate thru text just like in a radio drama.
2. He does not put a label in your relationship.
He is just enjoying every moment with you. He might be just bored so he spends his time talking to you for the reason that you are the best person to talk to. He is not yet ready for a REALationship, only for a FLIRTationship.
3. He does not say, “I love you.”
Or if he may, he never really means it. Just as the fruit juice in a can, it is not 100 percent guaranteed pure.
4. He makes you feel jealous.
Since you are not committed to each other, he is free to do that. You keep on stalking his Facebook profile and surprisingly see posts that he is into another girl. Remember that you do not have the license to act like a jealous girlfriend so keep your composure, honey.
5. He will never be the same again when you confess your feelings to him.
Since you have fallen for his sweetness, you were the first to admit those three words. Now, everything becomes awkward. Guess he might not speak to you again. Otherwise, he will just say he is reluctant to get into a relationship. Wait a second, does that only put you in the friend zone? Yes, things just get worse.
6. He is not afraid of losing you.
He gets mad when you ask him nonstop about what is going on between the both of you. He blames you for causing the fight. You threw your pride away and apologized to him but he does not forgive you still. He is acting like a stone or he might just be injected with an anesthesia for not feeling anything about you.
You may think that he is responsible for what you are feeling right now but he is totally not. Here’s the lesson. Never be blinded by the good things that he does if he is not brave enough to have a commitment with you. Whatever his reason may be, whether he is terrified to have a relationship since he got hurt so bad before, he has not moved on yet from his ex or he just wants to play love’s deck of cards, do not consider that as an excuse. Still, this is a good thing for you to experience such to be able to clearly determine who is that one man right for you.