I’m not big on relationships. Nothing against them, I just don’t get into many. Actually, I don’t get into any… my last and only real relationship (if you can call it that) was in high school. It was real at the time, okay. Regardless, there are plenty of reasons I haven’t committed to a relationship since, but that would call for a whole blog post of its own so maybe another time. The point is, right now I can’t imagine being in a relationship but there is one person I would make the sacrifice for: Ryan Gosling.
Let’s highlight why Ryan Gosling is the most attractive 33-year-old alive. Below are 5 reasons Ryan Gosling will make the perfect husband.
5. The Notebook.
There really is no need to elaborate, but just for fun let us briefly reminisce on this motion picture. Demonstrating the perfect combination of what makes up sexy, Noah seems a little quiet and reserved until he surprises us all with his bold and romantic gestures to woo Allie. Not only does the cuteness continue throughout their summer romance, but even after he first loses her until they finally reconnect. If nothing else, proving to all the hopeless romantics out there that we should continue to believe in true love. Furthermore, at the end, we know it’s Noah reading to Allie even though she doesn’t remember… something we attribute to Ryan Gosling making him “oh so sentimental” too. There’s all too many other cute, sexy and memorable scenes from The Notebook – but you get the point.
The Notebook really doesn’t effect Ryan… but it’s such a classic and he must have learned a thing or two from playing Noah – don’t you think?
4. He keeps good company.
He always has. His roommate during the Mickey Mouse Club was another not-so-bad looking fella – Justin Timberlake. Let’s just imagine these two in one room together… yes, now you understand. I will forever cherish “til death do us part” with Ryan, but it doesn’t hurt for him to have good looking friends.
3. He’s ambitious.
He expresses interests outside of his acting career. He donates to numerous charities (including PETA, Invisible Children and SickKids Foundation). He is in a band. He owns a Moroccan restaurant. He’s a director. I need my husband to be well rounded – check!
2. He’s easy going.
Ryan doesn’t hold grudges against his exes. You bet he doesn’t wander around with an entourage. He even say she enjoys his alone time. A man who is laid back and understands, could it get any more perfect?
1. He’s committed.
Not only in the sense that he lived with his co-star and on-screen daughter prior to filming Blue Valentine just to make sure the dynamic was real for the movie, BUT he has also been committed to Eva Mendes for about two years now. I know what you’re thinking, but everyone needs a long term, committed relationship before the one they stay in for the rest of their lives… don’t they? Well, he has practice for when we get together. Look on the bright side, people.
Bonus reason: he is just genuinely so darn cute. Sure, hot, sexy, chiseled… they all apply. When you’re committing long term though, I think his consistent cuteness is something to note.
The name Jean Jacques Rousseau is hardly known today, yet for over two centuries his ideas shaped the entire world. They formed the foundation for the French Revolution, which has been called “the most important event in western history,” and have been paradoxically credited with legitimating both the direct democracy that Occupy Wall Street was based on, as well as the totalitarianism of Nazi Germany and Stalinist Russia. He could be called both the father of Psychology, as well as the world’s first Hipster. He also coined the term Bourgeois and started the critique of modern industry that Environmentalism is based on.
Rousseau preferred “being a man with paradoxes than a man with prejudices,” and never shied away from following his train of thought wherever it led. He was obsessed with discovering the Truth, yet had nothing but disdain for “intellectuals” and their abstract, overly-scientific jargon. When his educational novel Emile was first released in 1762, it was burned by religious zealots for blasphemy and he was hunted by them throughout Europe, yet without its brilliant reconciliation of religion and reason, Christianity very likely would have been completely overcome by the atheism of the Enlightenment.
To me, his writings are the most beautiful and poetic philosophic works ever written. Below is an collection of some of his most illustrative quotes, as an introduction to his ideas. I hope they will spur you to engage further with one of the most complicated, complex, yet easily approachable philosophers of the modern world. Personally, I have found his work to be incredibly helpful in cutting through the bullshit that we are fed everyday, allowing me to get to the core of today’s most pressing issues and form my own opinions about them. And in this time of extreme and bitter political partisanship, it is a skill that is needed more than ever.
1. Man is born free, yet everywhere he is in chains.
2. People who know little are usually great talkers, while those who know much say little.
3. The world of reality has its limits; the world of imagination is boundless.
4. Truth is no road to fortune.
5. No true believer could be intolerant or a persecutor. If I were a magistrate and the law carried the death penalty against atheists, I would begin by sending to the stake whoever denounced another.
6. Those that are most slow in making a promise are the most faithful in the performance of it.
7. Take the course opposite to custom and you will almost always do well.
8. It is too difficult to think nobly when one thinks only of earning a living.
9. Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
10. Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong.
11. What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?
12. Living is not breathing but doing.
13. When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich.
14. We are born, so to speak, twice over; born into existence, and born into life; born a human being, and born a man.
15. Those who think themselves the masters of others are indeed greater slaves than they.
16. Our will is always for our own good, but we do not always see what that is.
17. Base souls have no faith in great individuals.
18. Falsehood has an infinity of combinations, but truth has only one mode of being.
19. You forget that the fruits belong to all and that the land belongs to no one.
20. The happiest is he who suffers least; the most miserable is he who enjoys least.
21. The one thing we do not know is the limit of the knowable.
22. The mere impulse of appetite is slavery, while obedience to the law we prescribe to ourselves is liberty.
23. As soon as public service ceases to be the chief business of the citizens, and they would rather serve with their money than with their persons, the State is not far from its fall.
24. Nothing is less in our power than the heart, and far from commanding we are forced to obey it.
25. I may be no better, but at least I am different.
Recently, Jay-Z posted on his blog
that, on the recommendation of a “good friend and vegan,” he and Beyonce would be taking on a 22-day plant-based challenge. Lest every hipster decry the challenge by stating that they were vegan before being vegan was cool, I would like to suggest a few simple tricks and substitutions for Mr. and Mrs. Carter, as well as anyone else who wants to be about that plant-based life.
Deep-fry cauliflower, slather in barbecue sauce. It’s so simplistic, but so, so good.
If you’re chilling at home in Manhattan, Two Boots Pizza sells great vegan pizza. Alternatively—and I realize this is bordering on blasphemy—cheese-less pizza is totally a thing, and with the right toppings, can be really good.
I know, I know, it’s not the same on any level, but ignore the mock-meats lurking in your local Whole Foods freezer and grill a nice, marinated portobello mushroom cap instead. Bread it and deep fry it, if you’d like to get crazy. Deep-frying is a crucial move in your first days of veganism.
There is no real way to salvage that sweet, smoky, life-giving force that is bacon, but tempeh bacon works in a pinch. Use it as a crumbled garnish rather than a thick slab of bacon, though. Brussels sprouts with tempeh bacon. The Sasha Fierce salad with tempeh bacon. Coconut milk ice cream with tempeh bacon. You’re welcome.
Leather Boxing Shorts
I have a feeling that you don’t actually WEAR the leather boxing shorts you curated for your collection at Barneys New York, but if Bey wants to branch out from the fabulous, cruelty-free world of Stella McCartney, there’s are tons of “vegan leather” alternatives in stores. What is vegan leather, you ask? Why, it’s nothing more than good, old-fashioned pleather plus a significant markup in price. (Though I feel like it would be a pretty clutch PR move on Bey’s part if she wore Forever 21 pleather.)
Almond, soy, hemp (not that kind of hemp), cashew, coconut, sunflower… the options are endless here. As your 22 day challenge goes on, it will probably become easier to simply take your coffee black, but hey, you did say All Black Everything when you professed to run this town, did you not?
In the mood for scrambled eggs? Puree tofu first, rather than crumbling it. Add turmeric, pour into a pan, and stir until the liquid evaporates. Don’t get me wrong, you could just break up the tofu into little crumbly blocks, but pureeing is next level, Hov.
Branch out from the Oreos and the Nutter Butters. Bake your own! Make it a bonding moment with Blue Ivy. She can eat as much batter as she wants because there’s no chance she’ll contract salmonella! Everybody wins!
There is no fully satisfying substitute for cheese. I am really, really sorry.
1. Being called another name so often that you automatically respond to it just in case someone might be addressing you by mistake.
2. Enduring years and years of attempting to explain to people that no, we do not have a telepathic connection, and no, we do not feel each other’s pain and no, we actually cannot use each other as a mirror.
3. Facing the above questions so often that you reach a point where you begin to just agree with everything – yes, we do have a secret language.
4. The awkward moment when somebody like a teacher or family friend confuses you with your twin, and you play along because you feel bad telling them they’ve mixed you up. You have no idea what they are talking about.
5. Being the intended twin in the above scenario and trying to remember a conversation that didn’t actually happen when that person sees you again.
6. Not telling people they have got the wrong twin because they tend to feel terrible when they realize their mistake, when you really don’t care because it has happened so often.
7. Experiencing bizarre moments such as “do you have a twin or have you just been changing your clothes all day?”
8. The obligatory moments of identity crisis when you realize you have spent your entire life being confused with another person and often viewed as a single whole, rather than two separate individuals.
9. Sometimes feeling frustrated by the natural curiosity of other people, – this is your life, you don’t know any different.
10. Other times feeling a little bit special when you see people double-take or politely come up and ask if you are indeed twins.
11. The spot-the-difference game grew old quickly didn’t it?
12. The wonderful moment of relief, companionship and simple happiness when you meet other identical twins. These two people could be strangers, yet they know what it is like to be you, and it is like you share a big, silly secret that everybody else just isn’t in on.
13. Sometimes exploiting the fact that you are a twin to gain the attention of the opposite sex.
14. Participating in twin studies makes you feel like an alien and you complain about it – but secretly it’s kind of cool to know you can help out with science.
15. Feeling down sometimes because you feel like everything you do is being compared with somebody else; you are pitted against each other when you don’t even want to compete.
16. Reaching an age where you accept this. It is natural for two people who look and sound exactly the same to be compared. It is everybody else’s way of differentiating you both.
17. Actually having some asshole come up and tell you which one is better looking.
18. Having another person who is kind of like your right hand man, they will always have your back and you will always have theirs.
19. Sometimes getting really, really mad with your twin.
20. Feeling absolutely awful for getting mad with your twin and apologizing very quickly.
21. Wanting to make-up with your twin because you have something funny you want to share with them.
22. Feeling like somebody really knows you when they can always tell the difference.
24. Secretly feeling pleased when one of your friends can list off all of the little differences that allow them to tell you apart. It is nice that they have paid that much attention.
25. When you were small and your parents confused you. Who do they think they are?!
26. Knowing you can talk about anything with your twin – and knowing they will probably feel the same way about something you’re complaining about.
27. Not wanting your other sibling to feel left out, but accepting that it is a different type of relationship – although you love them just the same.
28. When people feel like they have to invite you both to everything – you want them to know that it’s possible to have one without the other.
29. Getting the same presents sucked when you were little. Especially if your twin was faster than you at unwrapping theirs.
30. “So which one is the evil twin?” — Shut up.
31. Feeling very mad with people who try to hurt your twin.
32. Seeing your twin upset is heartbreaking, and sometimes it is only you who will know how to make it better.
33. Having the same sense of humour means finding the same things funny and having a lot of inside jokes. You both feel surprised when other people don’t laugh as hard as you two.
34. It’s annoying when people assume you’re jealous of your twin for achieving something. You are more often than not happy for them.
35. But sometimes you do want to feel a bit grumpy and jealous. People should leave you alone and just let you deal with that.
36. Wanting to be away from your twin just to experience life as a singleton and be around people who haven’t met your twin and aren’t comparing the two of you.
37. Doing the above for a bit and realizing you miss them far too much.
38. Doing everything you can to look different.
39. Feeling a tiny sense of loss as you grow older and your faces do start to change a bit – you don’t look as identical anymore.
40. Being reminded that you are indeed still twins by someone invoking points 1, 2, 7 or 30.
41. Being able to easily rattle off all the things that make you different.
42. But accepting that there are lots of things that make you the same.
43. Secretly thinking it’s okay to be a twin and different to everybody else – your twin is your best friend, even though you probably wouldn’t admit it to each other.
44. Neither of you would change a thing.
1. Calling in sick when you weren’t sick. You didn’t have a good reason like going on a day-trip. You didn’t even need a personal day off either. You just woke up and said, “Work isn’t happening today” and it didn’t. Justification? Marx would approve. Your lazy day was resistance to your estranged labor.
2. Cancelling on a friend, significant other, etc. last-minute because you got home and the couch was just so comfy. Besides you were tired and quite sure you were coming down with something. Better to sleep it off…
3. Refusing to cook for an entire weekend despite having bought groceries to do just that, and having no major time-consuming commitments that prevented you from doing so. But cooking takes effort and the Vietnamese take-out place can deliver in 15 minutes. I understand you.
4. Ordering delivery from a place that is within 2 minutes walking distance from you. Understandable though, take-out requires pants.
5. Struggle-texting with smart phones whilst in bed rather than sitting upright for 5 seconds to send the damn text.
6. Not getting out of bed after hearing that text “beep” because you were already comfortably in bed. If it was important they would call….twice. And leave a voicemail. And send smoke signals.
7. Letting dishes sit in the sink longer than any decent human being should. Instead, you washed and re-washed that one plate, bowl, spoon, and fork over and over again until the sink essentially became a fire hazard of some sort. Or until someone was coming over to visit.
8. Watching a terrible television show because the remote is too far away. 15 centimeters/6 inches too far from arm’s reach that is.
9. Buying underwear instead of doing laundry. (I am just as ashamed as you are.)
10. Speaking of laundry – leaving things in our “clean” basket for days after we’ve done our laundry rather than just folding it right away. Which ultimately leads to having to put it back in the dryer again before we fold it…for real this time.
11. Girls in winter: Making quick trips to the store without wearing a bra because well, it’s winter and you’re wearing a coat so no one can tell the difference. I am not even ashamed of this one. BRALESSNESS FTW!
12. Refusing to go and check the doors to make sure they were in fact locked once you were in bed. Because the thought that someone might break in, is not as important as the thought that you would be leaving your warm bed for 30 seconds “unnecessarily.”
13. Buying something that you ended up not needing or liking but rather than returning it, you decided the effort it would take to return the item was greater than your buyer’s remorse.
14. Eating something half-cold because torturing yourself with returning to the microwave despite it being a few feet away is just not worth it when your hunger pangs have peaked.
15. Alternatively, going to bed hungry because you were too lazy to figure out what to cook and ordering just seemed like such a pain. Sometimes laziness > necessitates that you need to keep you alive you know?
Plus One: Planning to write, “22 Lazy Things We’ve All Done” but stopping at 15 because well, your brain got tired and stuff…What other lazy things do we all do?