Tinder
Tinder

The other night I decided to give Tinder a shot. Not sure if it was because of the New Girl episode where they used a similar app or because of my complete loneliness. Could be either one. After falling into a Tinder black hole I emerged a different man with new found knowledge.

1. Age is more than a number

I hate to say it, but Pretty Ricky was wrong. Upon signing up Tinder assumed that the age group that I was looking for was 18-34. Seemed reasonable enough. That was until I started making my way through and saw some of these supposed matches. I pulled out my calculator and realized these girls could still be in high school. Do I really want to talk to someone who knows Will Smith only as Jaden’s dad? I mean they were born after Fresh Prince was off the air! Soon there after I also realized I had a problem looking at women in their 30s. That was more a case of me worrying about my own mortality while looking at them.

2. There is such a thing as too hot

I’m realistic, I think I’m a good looking enough guy. I’m no Idris Elba, but I’m solid enough. That being the case I ended up passing on some of the hottest girls I saw on Tinder. You’re probably asking why I’d do that. Isn’t it worth the shot? No, I’ve got too much respect for the process. This isn’t the movies.

3. I’ve got fast fingers

Browsing through a group of beautiful woman should be a nice, slow process where you take the time to fully evaluate. Each girl should get a few minutes to study just so nothing can be missed. Unfortunately for me it seems I have a quick trigger finger. I’m ripping through these girls like I got somewhere to be. The result has been me instantly realizing I accidentally swiped left on some real winners. These ladies could’ve been my future ex-wives and now we’ll never know.

4. Being a cat lady is cool?

We’ve always been told that being a single lady and having a cat was something bad. According to Tinder though cat ladies are making a comeback. I lost count of how many attractive girls either had pictures with their cats or mentioned their cats in their profile. I’m thinking not having a cat might be the weird old lady thing.

5. Not easier than in person

On paper it should be a lot easier to start talking to a girl online. You don’t have to worry about face to face rejection and there are no witnesses to the possible humiliation. Yet after typing and then erasing at least ten opening lines to my first match I realized this was just as stressful. People always say what is the worse that could happen. Complete rejection that makes you question everything about yourself is pretty bad. P.S. I’m open to some good opening line suggestions.

6. Feels like a buffet

Just like a real buffet I get full just looking at all the possibilities. I mean I have my favorites, but do I want to go with a meal that I can get anytime or do I be adventurous and go with something I’ve never tried before. It’s overwhelming.

7. Instagram promotion

Girls really like promoting their Instagram on there. I’m not a fan of that, almost guarantees a left swipe. It’s like if I put a link to my articles on there. Hmm…I may be on to something.

8. I’m an easy catfish target

I’ve already started researching how to get ahold of Nev and Max just in case. I’m smart enough where I should know if something is up, but I also know myself well enough that the minute I get matched up with a perfect ten that I’d volunteer my routing information.

9. I like Ashton Kutcher?

By far the number one shared interest I had with girls was Ashton Kutcher. That is alarming to me for multiple reasons. The biggest is that I don’t remember being a Kutcher supporter. I mean don’t get me wrong I enjoyed Kelso as much as the next guy, but not enough to give Kutcher the Facebook seal of approval. I want an investigation launched.

10. Guys in girl’s pictures

Why? Sending a very conflicting message there. Is that your boyfriend? Brother? Both? I don’t know and that’s a problem. The one time I didn’t have a problem with this is when a girl had a pic with her and Ty Burrell together. That got a right swipe.

11. Being not DTF is a big thing

It’s easy to understand why a girl would want to advertise that they aren’t just DTF, but this brings up a bigger issue. Are you only not DTF right now or is that ever? Because that could be a problem for me. I don’t need to get lucky tomorrow or anything, but I probably would like to sometime during the rest of my life.

12. Tinder profile used to get modeling gigs

Sure seems like some people are taking these pictures specifically for the purpose of getting modeling or acting jobs. These aren’t just senior picture quality. They are paid thousands of dollars type quality.

13. Sister or Mom’s name is a no-no for me

If you have the same name as one of my sisters or my mom then it doesn’t matter if you’re Kate Upton hot I’m out. I just can’t do it.

14. I’m judgmental of stuff I like

Having things in common can a lot of times be the basis of a beautiful relationship. Its great to have shared interests. Even with that being the case I found myself judging girls for liking the same things as me. I started wondering if I really wanted to be with a girl that is a fan of DJ Pauly D.

15. A lot of people with no profile

If you couldn’t take a few minutes to come up with a witty line or two about yourself then I’m automatically going to assume you’re fake.

16. Many people don’t get the point

Found many people who seemed to think this was letsbefriends.com. If you’re just looking for new friends go try a bowling alley or arcade.

17. One line can make the difference between a swipe left or right

There were definitely a few lines that jumped out to me in a good or bad way. Examples:

“Going to school to be a nurse, specializing in premature born babies.”
I like nurses. Nurses are cool. Did we need to know about the premature babies? That’s just a downer.
“Bears. Beats. Battlestar Galactica.”
Boom that gets a like no matter what. Could be Roseanne for all I care.
“Not a stage five clinger.”
The fact that you said it makes me think you are.

18. A lot of photos with multiple people

This is just confusing and purposely misleading. You can edit your photos to prominently feature yourself. Having to use my detective skills to try and tell which girl in the pictures is the profile I’m looking at isn’t what I’m trying to do with my night.

19. I’m a like whore

I found myself handing out likes like Oprah hands out cars. It really started to get out of hand. Not sure if this is a sign that I’m so desperate that I’ll take anyone or that I’m really just a nice guy that wants to make ladies feel good about themselves. Yeah it’s probably the desperation thing.

20. I think my app is broken

I’ve only gotten one match and she had no profile. I need to look up the tech support number. TC mark









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Shutterstock
Shutterstock

After an exhausting day of work, nothing feels better than when my head hits against the pillow and my body’s tension subsides into the mattress. I can never fall straight asleep, so I think about things…

1. Are all the lights shut off?
2. Did I leave any cups or dishes out?
3. Did I lock the doors?
4. Did I lock my car doors?
5. What time do I need to get up tomorrow?
6. What time is it now?
7. If I fall asleep right this second, I’ll get (this) much sleep; that should be OK.
8. What are my plans this week?
9. What’s going on the rest of the month?
10. Oh crap, bills are due soon.
11. What articles do I have to do for work?
12. When are their deadlines?
13. What other jobs could I pursue with a journalism degree?
14. How will I meet someone when I stress so much about work?
15. Will I ever get married?
16. What will she be like?
17. Have I met her already?
18. How the hell will we afford it?
19. How will I propose?
20. Will I have kids?
21. What will they look like?
22. Will I have a boy, a girl, both or multiples?
23. How the hell will I pay for their college tuition?
24. If I have a boy, will he be more into sports or music and the arts?
25. If I have a girl, will be attracted to bad boys or gentlemen?
26. Oh my God, if I have a girl, I’m going to dread the day she dates.
27. I should work out more.
28. That reminds me, where is my “Do you even lift, bro?” shirt?
29. Is Tupac alive?
30. I hope Tupac is alive. That’d be sick.
31. If that Ali chick on Pretty Little Liars can do it, so can he.
32. I still can’t believe that there will be a sixth and seventh season of PLL.
33. They should’ve ended after three seasons and made it a great series.
34. All this “Who is A?” crap annoys me.
35. Who the hell is A?!
36. Screw this.
37. I’m tired.
38. What time is it now?
39. If I fall asleep right this second, I’ll get (this) much sleep; I guess that’s OK.
40. I think way too much before I sleep. TC mark









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School. </p>
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In a world where every TV show seems to be about 20-somethings and all of them seem to annoy the shit out of actual 20-somethings, there is one to (maybe?) redeem them all. Enter ‘Please Like Me,’ an Australian comedy from 27-year-old comedian Josh Thomas that appears to portray the comically mundane, yet cathartically emotional time that is your 20’s better than, say, any other show I’ve seen in the past year. It’s in it’s second season now, so you can binge watch it while you avoid your 20-something life. Bless. TC mark









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The Mindy Project
The Mindy Project

1. You never have “textual anxiety” — the creeping suspicion that the person you’re texting with is playing games with you. Even if they don’t LOVE texting they don’t keep you hanging for hours and hours when all they need to do is confirm a time to meet, or say they’re busy at the moment, or type a simple response to your last message.

2. He makes you feel the best you have ever felt. This isn’t unrealistic romantic comedy happiness — it’s just your same everyday life, but better. Because he’s in it.

3. You’re proud to bring him around your family and friends instead of avoiding it or being nervous he’s going to embarrass you. This is partially because he knows how to introduce himself and act around people he’s trying to make a good impression on, but also because you have an adult relationship so your calls to your loved ones are about all the good things about him instead of briefing them on the fights you’re having or how unhappy it is to be with someone who doesn’t want a real relationship.

4. When he says he’ll be there, he’s there. There’s no drama or doubt about it.

5. When a friend breaks up with her boyfriend and sobs that she’ll never find someone better you can actually help her through it confidently. You can’t believe you used to be the same way — mourning dudes who were sooooo not worth it. Now the things you put up with seem ridiculous, there’s no way you’d deal with that now, and you don’t have to.

6. You aren’t cynical about men. You have proof they can be great right next to you.

7. You know what he likes about you because he tells you. He doesn’t do it because he wants a favor (or sex), he just cares about you and wants to communicate that to you.

8. Nagging doesn’t happen. You have no reason or desire to do it. You trust him to do what needs to be done, because he usually does it.

9. He always looks out for you in every situation. Whether it’s putting his hand on the small of your back to guide you to your seat at a restaurant, or warming your car up for you when it’s cold or voicing frustration about the people who treat you badly — he genuinely wants what is best for you and he goes out of his way to help you get it.

10. He’s not afraid of commitment, but he’s not rushing into it either. He’s rational about it and you know you’ll do what makes sense together, neither one acting out of fear.

11. You know for a fact he doesn’t share your bedroom secrets with his friends. His life is not a locker room.

12. He doesn’t talk about his exes but on the rare occasion he does it’s neither vicious nor overly-complimentary.

13. You know that he has your back when you’re not at your best. Everyone makes mistakes and we all have high and low points in our lives, and it’s truly a relief to find someone you know won’t leave you when the low parts happen.

14. He makes you feel like a woman.

15. The most shocking thing about your relationship is how simple it feels. It feels like it was always supposed to be this way and you realize all the petty insecurities and immature personality flaws of your past relationships caused a bunch of unnecessary drama you no longer have to deal with. Thank god. TC mark









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memories
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Neil Krug
Neil Krug

Love is love. No love is better than the other. The love of a family member is the love of a friend is the love of a lover. It’s all love. We look for love, but we have never not had love. We are surrounded by love. It is in every small detail and every grand moment.

In a way, a soul mate completes you for a time. A soul mate is, perhaps more directly, a soul match. Your soul finds another soul and that soul match creates something necessary and important. This can be romantic love, friendship love, familial love, or any other definition of love that is not necessary. All love is love.

We can have a soul match with many people. In fact, we do. There is not just one soul mate. There are many. And, they join us on our journey of life for an undetermined amount of time and they allow us to grow. They challenge us. They show us where we need to heal.

To me, a soul mate is someone who breaks down the barriers we have to love. They come in and disrupt our lives in various ways. They are that new friend we meet who feels like a friend we’ve reconnected with, not someone new we just met. They are that cousin we share a bond with that far transcends any other relationship in our family. They are that person we can call after months of not talking and pick up right where we left off. They are that lover who brings out the anger we need to heal, the insecurity we need to face, the parts of us we hide away that need the light.

It’s all important. It’s all love. There’s no distinguishing. We cause our own suffering by distinguishing it at all. We see our lack of love constantly. We think we are without love, without a soul mate, but they are there, all around us. We simply don’t know how to see it. We have a narrowed version of love, of soul mates, and, in our desire to fill that narrow version up, we lose the chance to see that we are provided the chance to love at any moment.

At any point in our lives, we are trying to get back to the purest love. We want that transcendent love. Yet, we think that kind of love exists in one person that we must find and commit to forever. The point here is that we can experience pure love with any relationship. We can experience humility, vulnerability, trust, and defenselessness in all various forms of relationship. We can stand open-hearted with anyone we choose and especially those that float into our lives as soul mates.

A soul mate is a soul connection between two people. And, it’s challenging in that it will bust open our hearts in ways that we will not comprehend until we’re in the throes of it. We cannot cheapen any relationship that is soul binding just because it is not romantic love. We will grow and heal from any kind of soul love, soul match, soul mate. That’s the point. We are all one. We all come into our lives at various stages for reasons that we don’t know at the time, but of which reveal themselves over time.

If we continue to approach each relationship with this idea, that our soul has chosen this person for a time, then we see new meaning. We see that no love is better than another love. We see the fragile, beautiful soul match that is in front of us. We learn to appreciate and be grateful for the love we have right now, this moment, and focus entirely on that. We surrender to the bigger picture of our lives, that we do not know what is leading to what, but that if we put our time where our love is, then we will be led. We will need not feel in lack, because we will always be in abundance. TC mark









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Fear
Fear

1. John, 24

We were getting ready for our one year anniversary, I had gotten her some gifts, planned to take her out for dinner and dessert. 45 minutes before we went out, I was tweeted at by a girl who said “hey.” Instantly, I received a text from my girlfriend yelling at me and probing me about who this girl was and if I was cheating on her. 45 minutes before our 1 year anniversary. Talk about insecure, should have broken up with her right the and there.

2. Samantha, 23

During our first fight, he went completely silent and refused to say anything.He just kept pointing to his arm. As it turns out, he had written all of his feelings in permanent marker under his sleeve so that he could dramatically reveal them mid-fight. The worst part? His handwriting was totally illegible.

3. Megan, 25

We were dating and I was at his house. I know this isn’t a real excuse, but I had a file for school saved on his computer and couldn’t find it. As I started to poke around for the file, I stumbled upon a treasure trove of files full of pictures of all my female friends from Facebook. But it wasn’t like these were just cute pictures of me and my friends, they were pictures of my particularly busty friends, some cropped so that you could just see their huge tits. My boyfriend’s spank bank was made up almost exclusively of my best friend’s boobs. And they were all saved in one mega file entitled “Good Picz.”

4. Ahmed, 28

I was dating a girl for a couple months and I knew she had a weird ex-boyfriend, so I pulled a psycho move and checked her texts one time when she asked me to hold her phone. It turns out that they had been texting for a while, and most of those texts focused on how bad he wanted to “fuck her thighs.” Her thighs! The crazy part was that she responded with even weirder stuff, like saying that she wanted to “break his dick” and “make him raw.” I couldn’t look at her as anything but a chafing enthusiast after that.

5. Samantha, 25

I was seeing a very naturally funny guy who also liked to drink a little too much. He was a freshman in college at the time and we were super broke. One time, we all got drunk in our friend’s dorm and he started laughing and saying that he used to whore himself out on Craigslist when he was strapped for cash. Everyone egged him on, and he ended up telling us all the details about these gross middle-aged women that he would charge 0 to get his “full treatment.” The worst part was that he was such a rookie that he forgot to charge up front, which resulted in one of them paying him with two bottles of Vodka. He accepted it.

6. Lucy, 20

One time I saw my ex got a text from his ex-girlfriend, who I knew was a little on the full-figured side, but never thought anything of it. When I went to check the message, I saw a text that red “oh, yeah?” Obviously I was curious and had to see what that was in response to. I went on a crazy search and found a love affair with his ex girlfriend, 600 messages long. He kept telling her how he couldn’t wait to grab her belly and…well, a lot of other shit I won’t get into.

7. Ryan, 22

This was only a first date, but it made it clear to me that she could never be my girlfriend. One time a girl i was on a date with told me that she would trade favors with guys (like, in exchange for stuff she did for them, both sexual and non-sexual) and keep their passports as collateral. She showed me one of the passports. It was so the guy could borrow her car.

8. Cristina, 27

I realized my ex’s cocaine mania was out of control when I caught him trying to sneak snorting lines while he was in the same bed as me.

9. Alex, 19

If sending naked pictures that I didn’t ask for mere hours after we exchanged numbers wasn’t enough of a red flag for me, telling me about how she killed her ex boyfriend and his girlfriend in her dream definitely was.

10. Jeff, 23

We were having sex and she looked me right in the eyes and said “I want to have your babies.” I pulled right out of there, literally and emotionally.

11. Kristin, 26

One time we were driving to the movies and Nirvana came on. He looked at me and said, “do you know why I find you so sexy? Because you remind me so much of Kurt Cobain. I always knew that he would come back to be with me.” I laughed. He didn’t. I told him to pull the fuck over and let me out.

12. Oliver, 20

She revealed that she obsessively watched the entire The Gilmore Girls series, the whole damn thing, five times through. She made me do the same thing at least once, but then refused to watch the ‘Lord of the Rings’ trilogy because she found it “boring and repetitive.”

14. Tyler, 23

She scratched my back so hard during sex that I bled, and when I pointed it out, she said “just put your back against my wall tonight while you sleep so that I have the dried blood to remember you by.” Yeah. I don’t know if she wanted my DNA or if she was a weird vampire, but either way, I wasn’t sticking around to find out.

15. Stephanie, 22

I was dating a guy for six months and we were really happy together. He spent a lot of time at my house. One time, I picked up his wallet to pay for our delivery and instead of finding money, I found a wallet sized picture of my mom that he stole from off my dresser. The truly creepy part was that it was a picture of my mom and I of us together, be he folded it so that you wouldn’t see my face.

16. Jibril, 21

We were fighting in the car and pulled up to a stop light. We’d only been dating for a month, but she demanded that I tell her “I love you.” I said I didn’t feel comfortable yet. She put her hand on the door handle and said that she would jump out when the light went green if I didn’t say it. I locked the doors. She then threw the car into park and said that we were not moving until I said it. That was a fun traffic jam to explain to everyone in the cars behind us, including two police officers who asked if I needed to get a restraining order.

17. Elizabeth, 26

Everything was fine until I Googled his name. I found at least 100 videos of him singing show tunes alone in his bathroom, each of which had less than 50 views. I’m sure 45 out of 50 where him watching himself, since he clearly loved to hear his own voice.

18. James, 23

She told me she wanted me to come over so that she could cook for me. When I arrived, she had cooked a meal that included a bunch of dairy stuff. I’m so allergic to milk that I could die if I consume it, so I was like “what the fuck?” She said she thought my reaction to seeing it would be funny. It wasn’t funny, it was basically a death threat.

19. Lara, 28

I was seeing a guy but we were totally casual and I thought we were both seeing other people. We went to the same party one night and he left before me with another girl. I ended up hooking up with the guy who threw the party. About 30 minutes in we hear something, I turn around and there is the fucking guy I was ‘casually dating,’ watching us and crying. Apparently he was stalking me, which was not casual at all. TC mark









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