Everybody knows that if you can’t trust your partner it will only result in resentment and constant fighting. Always trust somebody until they give you a legit reason not to.
I believe it’s important to laugh together as much as possible in a romantic relationship.
3. Pay attention.
Always listen and pay attention to your partner’s wants and needs. Pay attention to the little things that make them smile; it will pay off in the long run.
4. Let your guard down.
I know it’s hard to open up when somebody new enters your life, especially if you’ve had bad experiences in the past, but the only way to build a successful relationship with somebody is to open up and let them into your world. Allow yourself to be vulnerable—if they really want to be with you, they are not going to hurt you.
5. Make “alone time” a priority.
No matter how busy both of you are, you have to try to make it a point to have one or two alone nights a week. And that means just the two of you.
6. Let go of the past.
Do not bring past relationship troubles into a new relationship. Example: If your ex cheated on you, you can’t blame someone new who enters your life for their mistakes. It just won’t work.
7. Never try to change the person.
Have you ever realized how hard it is to change yourself? Well, then what in the world makes you think you could ever succeed in changing someone else? You can’t and you shouldn’t want to. If you want to be with somebody, it should be because you love them for exactly who they are, not who or what you want them to be.
Clubbing is almost like going to the zoo—so many different kinds of people and crowds. The next time you go out, see if you can spot one of these species at the club. Bet you’ll find at least two.
1. The Savage
He thinks it’s OK to grab you, pull you, and touch you any way he wants. You usually find him by walking to a bathroom or patio. He grabs you and pulls with the intensity of a black hole. He’s usually scary-looking and expressionless. He will pounce at you before you know it.
2. The Bro
ALWAYS with his buddies, flexing, wearing some skin-tight T that would comfortably fit a six-year-old girl. Usually seen fist-pumping, jumping, getting really into the music, and maybe even yelling “Brroooooooooo!”
3. The Watcher
There is no other way to describe the guy; he just stands there and STARES all night as if you’re his prey. No break in eye contact, no approaching—just staring.
4. The Guy Who Thinks He’s Famous
Whether he met Drake one time at a party through a friend’s friend or has 4,000 Instagram followers, he thinks the party started when he walked in. He’s usually seen taking pictures with his bottle, or with girls—or with his bottle and girls—all night. Even though he’s a nobody, this guy literally thinks he is famous. The peacock of the club.
5. The Hot Foreign Guy
Always ridiculously hot, nice, and perfect in every way—but just visiting. Always.
6. The Guy Who Won’t Give Up
He just keeps trying. Even if you have told him flat-out no, yelled, or used some bodily force, he will try to dance with you every time you’re near him as if he has never seen you before. He’s like a seagull trying to get the Cheetos beside you at the beach.
7. The Guy Who Has A Blast Dancing By Himself
He does not care if anyone is watching; he is into the music and isn’t going to stop. His dance moves rarely allow him to blend into the crowd.
8. The Awkward Friend
He’s usually dragged to the club because one of his friends wanted to go. You feel bad for this guy because he looks super uncomfortable.
9. The Guy Who’s Full Of Himself
He’s too good for everyone and acts bored of the place. Sure, he is good-looking, but how is it possible for a person to not make eye contact with anyone in the room the whole night? How long can you stare at the floor and the walls?
Halloween is a time for all the world’s single people to dress seductively and have anonymous sexual encounters with each other. Halloween night brings infinite opportunities for juicy hook-ups. However, you should definitely keep your wits about you. With the spooky season upon us, it’s time to make a list of dudes to not make out with this Halloween.
1. Dudes with overt penis costumes.
You know who I’m talking about. The guy dressed as a fisherman with a fishing pole connected to his fly. The man dressed as a light switch with the word “ON” nonchalantly placed over his crotch. Stay away from Overt Penis Guy. Chances are, he is illiterate.
2. Racist costume guy.
He’s a white guy dressed as a “cholo” or has taken it upon himself to dress in blackface. First, give him a history book and a slap on the wrist. Second, leave whatever party where this guy is welcome.
3. Man dressed as a cuddly animal.
Whether he’s shape-shifted into the form of a puppy, panda, or skunk, there’s something that’s just fishy about cuddly animal man. What is he hiding inside his fluffy onesie? Is this a one-time costume, or does he moonlight as a furry when he’s not working as a barista and living with his mom?
4. Guy who is one-half of a couple’s costume.
He came to the party with his girlfriend, but she has now mysteriously disappeared and seems to be barfing up her seven vodka tonics. It appears that he’s Popeye and she’s an intoxicated and seasick Olive Oyl. Sure, he looks lonely standing over there by himself, but you don’t need to be the one to play tonsil-hockey with him. Besides, he should be holding his girlfriend’s hair back, not looking for makeout partners.
5. Shirtless dude.
“What’s your costume?” “I’m a buff guy, duh!” Maybe he’s channeling a Jersey Shore persona or Marky Mark circa 1992, but either way he’s just trying to show off his guns. Shirtless Dude can sometimes be an acceptable hook-up; he is ripped, after all. Just don’t be surprised if he’s more into checking himself out than you when you wake up in his mirror-filled apartment.
6. The guy who showed up without a costume.
Sure, Halloween’s not for everybody, but who doesn’t love getting wasted while wearing hilarious hats? All he had to do was draw a lightning bolt on his head and be a dapper Harry Potter. Instead, he is moping in the corner, trying to find free beer while cracking jokes about everyone else that dressed up.
7. Boy in an Ebola-related outfit.
If I see anyone wearing a HAZMAT suit, or donning a shirt with a picture of the Ebola virus on it, I am going to punch them in the head. It’s not funny; it’s in incredibly poor taste and down right messed-up. Just…don’t.
8. Anyone who puts you down.
Girl, I know you are going to be the finest Katniss Everdeen the Halloween world has ever seen. Don’t let anyone refer to you as “slutty,” “fat,” or “basic.” Rock your costume, whatever it may be, and don’t settle for anyone who makes you feel less than amazing. Halloween only comes once a year, so don’t waste your time on someone who is not going to worship you like the festive fall vixen that you are.
I have a list saved on my computer of the best days of my life. Embarrassingly, Zac Efron is responsible for three of those days. My list ranges from the day I took a selfie with the SLU basketball team to the weekend I traveled alone to Morocco. They’re days that I was so overwhelmed with joy that I never wanted to forget them. I thought that if I wrote them down, I could hold on to those feelings a little bit longer and linger in the positive memories. I can go back and read that list and resurrect some of those feelings.
I started the list, “Best Days of My Life” because I was in job interview mode. You know when probable employers are asking you for all of these super specific circumstances such as, “a time when you went above and beyond”? It’s hard to think of an example right on the spot. So to prepare for a future job interview, you make a list (in your head at least, if not on a piece of paper). One day I was asked, “What was the best day of your life?” And much like my first job interview, I couldn’t think of one specific day on the spot. So I spent time perusing my memories from the past 20+ years and wrote down some of my personal favorites. To this day I add a bullet point when one of my days is simply the best.
So if someone ever asks me, “What was the best day of your life?” or “What is your favorite memory?” I can file through that list and pick one of those revered moments. Because I’m always so ready to answer that question and because it brings such happy thoughts to my day, I like to ask people that question. I never thought it was weird, overly personal, or intruding until one day when my roommate refused to answer.
I like to ask this question because I feel like I don’t make a great first impression. The first thing you might notice about me is my chain earring or my overly casual dress code that is too often accompanied by a men’s flannel shirt. Maybe you’ll notice that my hair is a mess and I never take my purse off. These are all truthful characteristics about myself, but there’s a lot more to me than that. Because my flannel shirt, purse, and I can usually be found in the corner of the room or the back of a large group, people rely on my dressed-down looks as my main source of communication. While I’m not my best self when I’m shying away from a group of extroverts, I am my best self when I’m talking about the best days of my life. I revert to this question as a conversation starter because I want to see the best version of others; we all can’t make perfect first impressions.
I didn’t always realize that I was the best version of myself when I was describing the bullet points on my list. It was brought to my attention by a stranger when I was being forced to take part in dreadful small talk. We were sitting at a round table so it was hard to hide from the conversation. The chatter revolved around biomedical engineering and other topics I wasn’t familiar with. I smiled and nodded and kept quiet until I heard someone mention Madrid. I didn’t realize it, but according to the stranger across the table, my eyes lit up. I immediately started talking about how my semester abroad changed me in more ways than I ever thought it could, how much of my heart was left in Madrid in December of 2012. It didn’t take but a minute for the conversation to flow back to biomedical engineering. As quickly as the topic changed, so did the version of myself that I was portraying.
I don’t want people to only know me as the girl with the chain earring and cross body purse. I want people to know the girl who dangled her feet from the Cliffs of Moher, the girl who took a Latin Rhythms dance class in Madrid, the girl who prayed in the chapel where St. Ignatius converted to Christianity, the girl who biked in the rain in Barcelona and loved every second of it. So when I meet you, I want to talk about the best days of our lives, not the weather. I’m more than that crossbody purse and a flannel shirt. I’m that girl screaming through happy tears at a One Direction concert, feeding the stingrays at the St. Louis Zoo, and hammering with Habitat for Humanity on spring break.
My roommate didn’t want to tell me about the best day of her life because it was her own special memory. Only she could understand and feel the happiness that her memory gave her, so why would she want to tell others who just wouldn’t understand? Unlike my roommate, I like to share mine because in sharing those memories I not only get to share my happiest memories, but also the best version of myself.
You might be beautiful. You might be built. You might love your body and have the confidence to show it proudly…and that’s great. Seriously, I’m happy for you (no sarcasm). In today’s fast-food, overindulged, carbohydrate-addicted world, maintaining a hot figure is challenging, so you get full marks for your efforts and workout regimen. But let’s get real for a minute or two, shall we?
Let’s not kid ourselves. You can look in the mirror and feel proud of your body. You can walk down the street and receive looks and compliments on your beauty. That’s not the reason you’re on Instagram, and it certainly isn’t the reason you’re posing half-naked. If you think that posting these pics is how to be happy with yourself, think again!
Posing in a lace bra and a G-string on Instagram doesn’t give the perception that you are a “lingerie model,” it makes you look cheap, like the only value you offer is your body. The psychology behind your behavior in taking these nude pics is very straight-forward: you’re suffering from a lack of self-esteem and are looking externally to make yourself feel good about you. But you’re kidding yourself. It’s called self-esteem because it emanates from the self.
And while we’re talking, let’s make something crystal clear: what you’re doing isn’t “modeling.” Victoria Secret models pose on a professional photo set to sell lingerie and associated products for a company. In short, they get paid for modeling. They don’t bare their pink parts dancing to Usher under a fluorescent bathroom light, sporting a pouty duckface with a Toy Story shower curtain as a backdrop. Models work. What the hell are you doing? I’ll tell you: giving peeks of your naked self away to random lurkers/stalkers/pedophiles, that’s what.
A reality check: Any picture of a naked/half-naked woman will get LOTS of views online. It doesn’t make you special, it makes you an adult film star, but without the paycheck. Nothing wrong with posing nude for kicks or paychecks, if that’s what you want to do. But please stop fooling yourself into thinking that the “likes” and “shares” you get are because they like you. They like the show you are giving them; they don’t care who you are.
My advice: If you want to be a model, DO IT! Put together a portfolio, pay your dues, and follow your dream. Otherwise, you are shaking your stuff for someone else’s cheap thrill, while pretending it boosts your self-esteem as you get views on your pics. You can choose to be whatever you want to be: a doctor, model, business woman, adult film star, whatever you want. Just do it with some dignity. Don’t sell your integrity and self-esteem for the price of an affirmative “click here if you think my pink parts are pretty!” You will only attract the wrong kind of guy that way, and you are selling out women everywhere—including my 15-year-old daughter.