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Heartbreaking Love. You deserve to have your heart broken. You deserve to spend all night stuffing tortillas and hummus in your mouth after you caught him cheating with your ex-best friend. You deserve to spend all night crying. You deserve to sleep in his hoodie, inhaling in the last of his scent as your tears hit the pillow. You deserve to get drunk at the bar until they yell last call and you deserve to have your best friend delete his number out of your phone. You deserve to have second thoughts, to be riddled with self-doubt over if your love can really work. You deserve to think about this as you drunk dial him and confess your love to him. You deserve to act so foolish, to fall to your lowest point because once you do, there’s no way to go but up.

Casual Love. You deserve to confuse the line between love and infatuation. You deserve to act a little crazy, to let yourself get loose and decide that having an orgasm can be better than buying groceries. You deserve to do this once, twice, three times. You deserve to wonder if he’s going to call the next day and then you deserve to remind yourself that you’re the one whose going to make him wait. You deserve to kiss a bunch of lips. You deserve to be a little reckless. You deserve to decide what you can handle, what makes you feel good the morning after, or the night during. You deserve to discover what you can tolerate, to have no strings attached.

Innocent Love. You deserve to think that the boy on the swing set is going to be the man you’re going to marry. You deserve to think that French kissing is the most inappropriate thing you can do. You deserve to say I Love You the first time at a school dance and you deserve to feel butterflies the first time he reaches for your hand. You deserve to fall considerably fast in a short amount of time. You deserve to be inexperienced, to be novice. You deserve find out what it means to care about someone else, and to think it’s the most extraordinary feeling.

Love. You deserve the kind of love that is fulfilling. You deserve having him know how you take your coffee first thing in the morning. You deserve listening to his problems when he’s feeling overwhelmed. You deserve a love that is supportive, is open, and is clear. You deserve to hear I Love You each morning, noon and night. You deserve to smile abundantly when you say his name. You deserve to argue about what it’s important to you, but to decide what is more valuable to you both. You deserve to spend Thanksgiving dinner together with a household of friends. You deserve the kind of love that is lasting, that is full of promises, of wishes and of plans on how to achieve them. You deserve to find a love that endures, that vitalizes you, but never completes you. You deserve to have someone along for the journey who doesn’t figure out who you are for you, but stands by you as you pave the path your own. You deserve comfort, and joy, and all that entails. You deserve love. Nothing less. TC mark









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I remember the first time someone told me I was a member of the IBTC, otherwise known as the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I was mortified. It was like…oh, OTHER people know I have tiny boobs too? OH NO! HOW WILL I EVER FIND LOVE?!

Almost Famous
Almost Famous

And truthfully, it remained one of my biggest insecurities for a very long time. I once made a promise to myself, “Never take your bra off during sex. Never let a man find out Victoria’s ‘Secret’ is that she made you two cup sizes bigger.”

Of course, that wasn’t the case. I let my lil’ boobies fly free eventually. It took a long time to gain comfort in my own skin and realize having small breasts was not some hinderance to my life. In fact, there are some pretty cool things about having little lady lumps. So to my ladies out there with smaller chests, I salute you.

1. You don’t have to ever wear a bra.

This is truly remarkable. Bras suck. Pants suck. Honestly, anything that requires some level of restrictiveness? NOT DOWN WITH IT. I recently mentioned to my BFF, Johanna Mort, that I thought my boobs were a bit bigger because, for the first time ever, it hurt a little when I was jogging and not wearing a sports bra. She responded, in Johanna fashion, “Congratulations! Should we throw you a bat mitzvah?!” But seriously, I wear a bra about as often as I listen to my own advice when it comes to love. *hint* RARELY.

2. You’re going to be the bud (lol) of jokes sometimes, but that’s okay.

If Johanna had said that to me when I was sixteen and crippled with insecurity and self-esteem issues? Um. Would have laughed and wanted to cry right after. But now that I can actually own who I am and what I look like, it’s okay to joke right back. “Yep, my boobs are finally coming in. Fingers crossed they stay!” Don’t let someone messing with you mess with you. You’re great, as you are. Seriously.

3. Back pain? What’s that?

I’m sorry to all my ladies who struggle with this. Like Johanna, girl, I’m so sorry. Big boobs = back pain. If I could take some of the pain away from ya’ll, I would, but alas, my little boobies are just chilling here like, “We couldn’t hurt you if we tried.”

4. You can wear low-cut tops and nobody really cares.

I personally think you should wear whatever you want, whenever. Doesn’t matter your body type. Cleavage. No cleavage. Who cares?! DO YA THANG! (I support you all) But unfortunately, there are times when other people make comments or judgements. If you have small boobs? You can wear something that would be way more revealing on someone with a larger chest and nobody really notices. Plunging necklines + no bras = small boobies paradise.

5. You can probably fit your boobs in your hands.

Why do I think this is cool? I don’t know, but I seriously do. Sometimes, I just sit and touch my boobs and I’m like, “I’m not even doing this in a sexual way, I’m just so impressed I can almost 100% palm my own breast with my hand. IT FITS PERFECTLY!”

6. Size doesn’t determine sexiness.

Who cares the size? The shape? Nipple to boob ratio? We get so bombarded with images in the media of what sexiness is supposed to be. Magazine covers with headlines like, “How to get the body he’ll lust after!!!” And just. Ew! Lust after your damn self! Love yourself! Tell the magazines to shut the fuck up because they aren’t the sole decider of what is or isn’t sexy. You are. You decide how you feel sexy. And side note, if that decision involves plastic surgery, I support you too. As long as YOU are making the choice of what empowers you. Nobody else, capeesh?

7. They might save your life.

It’s easier to detect unusual lumps in smaller breasts, so there’s a good chance you’ll notice something abnormal. This feels like a good moment to remind all my ladies out there to do regular self-exams. Feel yourself up in the shower. It’s fun!! (And could alert you to something a little off that requires a doc appointment)

8. One of the perks? That perkiness.

Not that there is anything wrong with sagging because it’s a natural part of the aging process, but your lil’ ladies are likely still perky and just chilling like, “AY, WHERE DA PARTY AT?”

9. Sorry Lana Del Rey, no summertime sadness for us.

Summertime is when you shine bright like a diamond (a moment of appreciation for how beautiful Rihanna’s breasts are, dear lord). Strapless dresses. Bandeaus. Bralettes. NOTHING IS HOLDING YOU BACK. This is YOUR season. TC mark

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imgur/sexysexything

1. School is the tool


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2. That deepness tho


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3. Since The Begging


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4. If I am the smartest person in the world then we’re completely screwed.


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5. I know why the caged bird sings


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6. This is what a strong numbers game looks like


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7. As long as you what you need to know is hand related.


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8. Yeah, J, they never look happy either. They’re trees.


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9. All the way.


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10. No, green, and they don’t look happy or sad either. And you JUST said they looked blue which can imply sadness. Pick a direction!


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11. Mob justice


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12. You’re typing in English, dude.


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13. I fear he actually thinks this.


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14. Then why can’t they point and grunt?


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15. This is the kind of thing a baby would say if it could speak.


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16. Jaden for President.


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17. Legit question, it’s a mix of both. Book stores do keep certain classics well stocked because students are generally required to read them. In those cases, the store needs a number on hand to guarantee they’ll have enough. These don’t sell at the same rate year round. In other cases, a book that’s immensely popular like ’50 Shades’ was at its peak will be overstocked just so the store won’t miss a sale by being out of it.

Make sense?

-Borders Books and Music Vet


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18. Jaden, I’m pretty sure they’re hitting on you.


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19. I don’t understand. God help me, I don’t.


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20. Hate’s a strong word. TC mark









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Then...well, shit gets real. (LOVE THIS!)
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Flickr / _Kripptic
Flickr / _Kripptic
Found on AskReddit.

1. She looked like my aunt.

She looked exactly like my aunt.

2. She smelled like onions.

The worst B.O. EVER! She smelled like onions but was very sexy though. I was 22, she was 29.

3. She smelled like blue cheese.

I just wasn’t attracted to her.

She smelled like blue cheese.

Wasn’t feeling confident to get it up.

Refused to have sex with her on her period.

4. The smell of dirty socks and fish.

When she pulled her jeans off, the room filled with the smell of dirty gym socks and the fish market in Monterrey.

5. The smell of cat piss.

Her bed sheets smelled like cat piss and had stains on them. Never spoke to her after.

6. Bro code.

She wanted to get back at her ex-boyfriend, who was a long-time friend of mine.

7. She was 11. I was 23.

Because she was my girlfriend at the time’s 11-year-old sister. I was 23.

8. She was drunk and I’m gay.

She was drunk; I was helping put her to bed. In no way was that ever going to happen.

Also, for the most part, I prefer men so there’s that.

9. Didn’t want sloppy sixths.

She had already slept with most of my friends; not interested in sloppy sixths.

10. All the other guys at the bar rejected her first.

She offered pretty much to everyone else at the bar and then tried to offer it up to me.

11. Her laugh made my skin crawl.

1 – Found out the father of her 4 kids wasn’t actually an asshole piece of shit that she told me he was.

2 – She had a terrible laugh. I mean, it made my skin crawl.

12. I wanted to watch Wolf of Wall Street with my bros.

I wanted to watch Wolf of Wall Street with my bros.

13. I had arranged to play Minecraft with my friends that night.

I had arranged to play Minecraft with my friends that night.

14. She was an extreme whore.

She was an extreme whore. She asked why I didn’t want to have sex with her, I responded that I was waiting for marriage, and that also I was gay. Good times.

I recently looked her up on Facebook, she’s the same except now she’s addicted to cocaine, so that’s nice.

15. She was a straight-up atrocious kisser.

She was a straight-up atrocious kisser. Hard lips and tried to shove her tongue as deep in my mouth as it would go.

16. She had five-inch-long nipple hairs.

I was getting some second-base action and kept getting hair caught in my teeth. I thought it was just her hair from her head hanging down and getting in my mouth (she had very long hair) nope. This, my friends, was at least five-inch-long nipple hairs. Yes, that’s right—hairs…with an “s.” I’m not a prude and I have no problem with body hair most of the time, however I couldn’t handle that.

17. She wanted to pay her debts to me through sex.

She wanted to pay her debts to me through sex. I said nope. I’m not going to be the one to make you a hooker. It’s probably going to happen, but not through me.

18. She was physically EXTREMELY hot and way out of my league, but she was SO slutty.

She was repulsive to me. She was physically EXTREMELY hot and way out of my league, but she was SO slutty. This was something I never thought would bother me, but the amount of guys she brought back made me sick. I always thought growing up that if an attractive girl came onto me, even if she has a 0/10 personality, I would still go for it. But after 4 months of living with this particular creature (who was also loud, annoying, ignorant, verging on racist, and a huge slob) I learned that someone with good looks can still be extremely unattractive…

19. A few extra pounds.

300 pounds.

20. I just can’t have meaningless sex.

I just can’t have meaningless sex. I’ll be honest, I tried. I was on a “break” with a girl I had been with for 3 years and I wanted to know what it was like to be with someone else.

It got to the point where she blatantly asked me to take my clothes off and I said no and went home…the combination of nervousness, being uncomfortable, and shyness just couldn’t be overpowered.

21. Five reasons.

(1) I had a girlfriend (2) She was my cousin’s widow (3) My cousin had just committed suicide a few weeks ago (4) She was pretty drunk (5) She was very emotional for obvious reasons and not thinking clearly.

22. I decided to be the better man.

She was proposing it to me in such a way that I would be getting revenge on my ex for cheating on her with her ex, who was also my best friend. I decided to be the better man. Regret it to this day.

23. She had a tiny brain.

She was 19 but the entire date I felt like I was talking to a 14-year-old. I just refused because it didn’t feel right. Not to be pompous or anything, my biggest attraction is how big a girl’s brain is.

24. She looked like Norm Macdonald.

I have this thing where if I realize that her face reminds me of someone else, usually a famous male actor or something, old boss, etc., I will never be able to keep it up enough to have sex even if I wanted to.

I was a couple weeks into dating a girl when I realized she had something about her face that reminded me of Norm Macdonald….that was it…I can’t Fuck the weekend Update Girl.

Also, perfume…a tried to fuck one girl 3 different times and couldn’t go through with it…she smelled like my aunt or something.

25. Plenty of reasons.

Here are some reasons from some of my experiences:

They had herpes.

They were 14 years older.

They were crazy.

They were 14.

They were 15.

They were crazy.

They were 14.

I was drunk.

They were drunk.

They were 14 years older.

We were drunk.

They were 16.

They were 18 but in a relationship that wasn’t open.

I don’t fuck meth-heads.

She had given two kids up for adoption and the third was taken by the courts (aka “she was crazy”).

It would have meant not getting a ride home and I didn’t want to stay in a house that smelled like cat piss.

My girlfriend sad I could never have sex with her after they met at a party and spoke to each other for 5 minutes and when the woman asked I actually said “Because my girlfriend said I couldn’t” she thought it was a joke but it wasn’t.

Because it would have been a violation of the established rules of that relationship at that time.

I really wanted to but didn’t want to go home and explain to my then girlfriend that I had since we hadn’t talked about it first.

Didn’t want to have sex with my ex.

They were 20 years older.

No condoms. TC mark









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FunSubstance - It's so fun, I can't even
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Francis Ha
Francis Ha

1. This is a mistake.

2. Has it really been five years since I graduated high school?

3. OMG IT HAS.

4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *crying*

5. Yeah, I really want to go back to high school, because that was super fun and I never hid in the bathroom and cried. Nope. Never happened. Not even that one time when fucking Hilary spread that rumor about me.

6. I would rather drink an entire gallon of glass shards than go to this thing.

7. Why do we even have a five-year reunion? No one’s done anything yet! Hey guys, what are you up to? Oh, me? I graduated college, and now I live at home and work as a crossing guard.

8. I’m definitely not going.

9. What if my ex is there? Didn’t he get fat?

10. Ha. Maybe I should go.

11. I’m only going if my best friend goes with me.

12. I should re-watch Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. That movie’s a classic.

13. Okay, fine, I’ll go. But I’m telling everyone I invented Post-Its.

14. What’s the point of reunions anymore? We’re all on Facebook.

15. Maybe I should delete my Facebook for a bit, build up suspense.

16. I should go out and find a boyfriend before the reunion.

17. Is Chris Pine single?

18. LOOOL wouldn’t that be great. Take that, Hilary! I’m dating Chris Pine!

17. I wonder if that hot guy from Pre-Calculus will be there. What was his name? Oh right, Davis Brown. Holy shit he was hot.

18. Did he RSVP? OH GOD HE DID.

19. I mean, that’s cool. I’m chill. It’s whatever. I’m breezy.

20. OMGBUTWHATIFTHISISWHENWEFALLINLOVE

21. Is there a juice cleanse that makes you wake up looking like Beyoncé?

22. Hahaha I could walk in all, “I WOKE UP LIKE DISSS.”

23. I mean, I guess this could be fun, high school wasn’t all bad.

24. It’s decided. I’ll go, but I’m not leaving until I’ve made out with Davis Brown.

25. Sixteen year old me would be so proud. TC mark









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Flickr / maisa_nyc
Flickr / maisa_nyc

There are 64,000 Black women missing in the United States right now. That is according to YouTuber, Gazi Kodzo in his new video below, “Dear White feminists, Black women are busy!” His style is funny, witty, and informative.

Putting my academic hat on, I of course resolved to do the fact-checking on many of the statistics. But that one especially stuck out to me. Kodzo is right. I heard about this a few years ago in 2012 when I believe the Daily Mail looked into it. But I do not consider the Daily Mail a credible source of information, and my socio-political focus being elsewhere at the time, I did not look into it further. But I want to know where all those Black women are. I want to know why so many of them were barely mentioned in national news. I want to know why, as Kodzo states, there is an epidemic of unarmed Black women also being killed by police. But unlike Black men, it has not been on our national radar.

Does (White, mainstream) feminism not see Black women? And does #BlackLivesMatter only apply to Black men? So while I cannot answer for where these women are, their absence, and the racialized sexism, and intersectional prejudices that Black women face, is why Intersectional feminism matters.


When the hashtag, #solidarityisforwhitewomen first came out, I recall seeing predictable comments from some White women. They wanted all women of colour and in particular, Black women to be “nicer,” “kinder,” you know, “less angry.” Now though a lot of  women of colour were frustrated by this, myself included, it was not surprising. There is tons of Black feminist scholarship available on the kinds of reactions White women often have to Black feminism or WoC feminism; often seen as “too militant,” and not creating enough of a “feel-good” atmosphere for White women. I have witnessed it first-hand in my critiques of White feminism.

The reality however, is that in the space of feminism, White women’s privilege is often highlighted by a desire to center and lead the conversation. The result of this is that issues that pertain to women of colour in general (i.e. racialized sexism), and specific groups of women of colour, often go ignored. The result being that it is not uncommon to find that many women of colour have completely and totally rendered feminism useless to them. Sometimes taking part instead in Womanism, the brainchild of Alice Walker, who developed the social theory and movement as a response to intersectional oppression. Other women of colour, have chosen racialized civil rights as their activist approach.

Of course the civil rights movement and it’s consequence for society, has long been criticized by women of colour for negating their issues and centering on those that mostly men face. Some of these criticisms are met with disdain and accuse women of colour of “slowing down the movement,” by joining feminism. Prior to developing Intersectional feminism, it seemed that women of colour and especially Black women who were always at the forefront of activism (however much mainstream history wishes to erase them), were being forced to choose. In 2015, sometimes it still feels like Black women and all women of colour are being asked to choose. But they shouldn’t have to.


I will admit that I did not watch the Oscars and only heard about the aftermath of events in the days after. I heard about the remarks Patricia Arquette made regarding equal pay whilst receiving her award. And I heard about her backstage remarks. The latter of course was (rightly) vehemently critiqued. Asking women of colour and other marginalized groups to leave “behind” their causes and “fight” for White women’s rights is not exactly what Patricia Arquette said, but it was what these groups heard. I was irritated at the commentary but I was not surprised. But I also noted how though many were quick to point out Arquette’s deeply problematic remarks, less people noticed how John Lennon and Common’s #BlackLivesMatter public activism on stage was centered around Black men. It wasn’t problematic and was (rightly) acclaimed but once again, it seemed that Black women were ommitted.

It is of course easy to criticize anything. I should know, I do it all the time in my academic work – it is what i am trained to do. And beyond these academic spaces, and in public ones, it often seems as if we criticize too much. To the point where perfection becomes the enemy of the good. But the truth is all of us, all our views, lay, academics, public figures, etc. should not be free from critique. That is how we grow and that is how become better at what we do. We can love something and criticize it at the same time. Still, we cannot achieve much in the way of activism for people however we choose to do so, if we are always fearful of what we might do wrong. But when someone points us in the direction of widening our space to be more inclusive of others, should we not listen and learn, if we are indeed invested and interested in making space for those others?

Intersectional feminism is able to unpack particular sexism that mainstream feminism is simply not able to – and do so even beyond race. Intersectional feminism is able to see that WoC have their own concerns that White women may not have and cannot speak to; that the concerns of poor, middle-class, and rich women are not the same, and that there are a whole hosts of concerns for how women in marginalized sexual orientations, are oppressed. Intersectional feminism is able to recognize why #BlackWomensLivesMatter.


Now I too am still trying to fit in and refine how to make feminism “work” for me; if I can even fit into it. As a practicing Catholic, and a Black African, I simply cannot claim to be on board with all the views of Western and particular American feminists – Black or White. And if feminism is not the right path for my own activism, then perhaps new language is needed (as Walker did with “womanism”). But either way my women’s work will recognize the importance of intersectionality. Because it is vital quite literally to recognizing the humanity of so many.

As Gazi pointed out in his video, and as a woman with my particular intersections of identity, I am a tad busy. Yes, I am quite frustrated at the notion that I may be earning less than my White, male (and female) counterparts in the same industries and professions. Indeed, I am quite cognizant of it; it is on my radar. And when WoC are included in leading that fight, I will be the first one suited up. I know that our goals are not mutually exclusive but it does appear that our approaches are, as is the importance we give particular concerns.

And in my current brand of women’s activism, I want to advocate for these 64,000 sisters and the many more who are socially located in the most disadvantaged positions. More so, I am still trying to find kidnapped daughters of my country and continent, see to it that they are adequately fed, ensure that they are kept in school, and keep vile, immoral terrorists and men old enough to be their grandfathers, from stealing their childhood.

So sorry Patty, your 22 cents will simply have to wait. TC mark


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