1. Nobody actually expects you to act like an adult for a while. It’s not like a switch flips and suddenly you have to be a “grown-up” at all times. It doesn’t mean life gets boring or starts looking like your parents’ — not by a long shot. Take solace in the fact that you can still act childlike without being childish.

2. You will not understand the gravity of the debt you incurred at 18 until you see your minimum monthly payment in comparison to what you are making.

3. You life doesn’t actually end after college, despite what’s always implied. Regardless of how much fun it was (or wasn’t), if college was the absolute best four years of your life, you’re doing the rest of your life wrong.

4. So your life won’t end — but a lot of your friendships will. Not by choice, but rather because as your life is busy not ending, you’ll get wrapped up in your daily #grind and it will become less and less convenient to regularly keep up with people who were only acquaintances anyway.

5. But you’ll never be too surprised by who you stay close with and who you don’t.

6. Your Facebook feed being filled with engagement status updates isn’t the worst part of everybody getting married. The worst part comes with having to dish out hours of time and hundreds of dollars and a lot of crafting skills to be part of the wedding party, or at least even attend.

7. You’ll realize a desk job has some sense of prestige but ultimately is not the most desirable thing in the world. You can be much happier doing other things…

8. …And you can make money doing other things. A 9-5 is not the only route to a salary, contrary what you’ve (largely) been taught. Those of you strolling down the path less taken can attest to this fact. I can rattle off a list of people I know personally as well as entrepreneurs and fellow writers and such who I admire that figured this out as well, if you’re in need of inspirational references.

9. If you are a young Corporate American however, you’ll realize that being the youngest — or one of the youngest — people in the office leaves you in a perpetual state of feeling slightly inadequate until they hire someone younger. (And then you feel #old and it’s all downhill from there.)

10. All aspects pertaining to the technicalities of dating (having your own apartment, dating someone with a job and salary) become unimaginably better — but you’re going to have to put effort into meeting someone, as the weekly kegger won’t cut it anymore. Good luck and god bless.

11. Your paper deadlines were nothing in comparison to your work deadlines. You’ll sit and wonder about some of the people you went to school with and how they, y’know, function.

12. Chances are you made yourself more stressed than you had to be in school. Aside from your coursework (which, you know, is up for debate) you were more or less playing pretend in a little mini-world and the extent of that truth is never as clear to you as it is right after leaving it.

13. You’ll spend a good amount of time thinking how “weird” it is that people are still in school, and you can’t even imagine what living in a dorm again would be like. But then you’ll wake up one Saturday morning to a roommate eating Nutella by the spoonful in their underwear and be like, oh, right. Apartments are like dorms without curfews.

14. There are a lot of cities in the world, and you’ll probably end up at one you’ve never heard of. Don’t rule any of them out, and don’t scoff at them just because they aren’t the city closest to your hometown/you’ve affiliated yourself with by some stretch of the imagination, as college people like to do. You’ll be biting your tongue one day.

15. It’s not scary, and we have to stop talking about it as though we’re children ill-prepared for simply living with marginal responsibility. Yeah, you have to learn to file taxes (or hire someone who can) and you have to pay your electric bill. You have to finance and cook and sleep and do well at your job. But these things are not scary, they’re just course of survival and existence, and the sooner you accept them as such, the sooner you get yourself out from under the weight of feeling inadequate. Welcome to the rest of your life. TC mark









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The eyes are one of the most powerful tools a woman can have. With one look, she can relay the most intimate message. After the connection is made, words cease to exist.
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The emotionless humanoid pictured above is one Joshua Klohr, an ex-member of the United States Marine Corps, an organization whose ex-members sometimes tend to be a bit touchy. This past Sunday—4/20, a sacred holiday to the countless weed-smokers in the weed-friendly state of Colorado who’d gathered outside the state capitol in Denver to dance and prance and celebrate weed—Mr. Klohr had himself attached by harnesses and hooks to a wooden cross and allowed himself to hang there for about an hour, presumably with pretty much the same dumb expression that’s on his face there.

According to Klohr, he was driven to this desperate measure of awkward political street theater to protest his discharge from the Marines last year after being convicted of insubordinate conduct.

And this is supposed to make us think he’s well-behaved?

Mind you, this is a guy who’d been “charged by Denver police in 2005 with setting a cat on fire and throwing it off a roof.”

And now he thinks it’s a good idea to put on his old Marines uniform and publicly crucify himself at a marijuana festival for no other apparent purpose than to bum everyone’s high.

If he pulls a public shenanigan like this and was also guilty of torching a kitty-cat, chances are he’s a psychotic jerkoff who deserved to get run out of the military before he started blowing up government buildings. I can easily imagine him conducting himself in an insubordinate manner, and I don’t like it one bit. Without needing to know a single official detail of why he was discharged, I believe it was the correct decision. I mean, just look at him.

I’m finding it hard to muster any sympathy for this asthmatic leatherneck. Instead, there is only contempt. According to the article linked above, Klohr has been mercilessly trashed online for his nutty stunt, which gives me a glimmer of hope for humanity.

I would be the last person on Earth to encourage you to publicly harass this confused young gent, but I think it would be perfectly legal if you were to kindly and respectfully inform him that you don’t feel bad for what happened to him and that he probably deserved it. TC mark









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Every time I am asked my major, I wait for the inevitable, “What are you going to do with an English degree?” This is usually accompanied with a look of pity or even distaste. Some even throw out the ever original “Would you like fries with that?” comment. Well, I can tell you what I won’t do with a degree in English: be unhappy in a dead-end job that I loathe.

In a world embroiled with thoughts of monetary success rather than spiritual, it is not uncommon to choose a major based on a myriad of reasons unrelated to genuine passion. I have asked many people why they chose to be their specific major. Almost every single one responds, “It pays well.” I’m not saying factoring in the job market or earning potential when deciding on a major is wrong; in fact, it is necessary in the world we live in today. But to pick a major based solely on monetary gain? I couldn’t do it. I want to have a career that brings me happiness. Some may think that is unrealistic, but it is what I have always strived for. We need to stop thinking that money is equivalent to happiness and success. It isn’t.

If I did base my major on money, I sure as hell wouldn’t have picked English. Believe it or not, I began my college career as a psychology major. Pretty much everyone, including myself, seems to forget this because my entire being screams, “ENGLISH MAJOR.” I won’t lie; I picked psychology mainly for the high salary I knew I’d receive by eventually becoming a clinical psychologist. Of course, I was interested in the subject as well, but I can’t say that I was driven solely by love of psychology as a discipline.

As I entered my sophomore year of college , I began to waver. I didn’t have some awe-inspiring epiphany that made me see the light of English. I just knew psychology wasn’t right for me. It wasn’t my passion, and I wasn’t happy pursuing it. I listened to my gut and decided to see what else was out there. When faced with unhappiness, sometimes the best thing to do is walk away. So I did.

English was staring me plain in the face the entire time. All my life I was the girl with her nose in a book. Rather than grounding me from television or playing with my friends, my parents would take away my book for the day. I had towering stacks of books piled haphazardly around my room year-round. I went on to take every English class offered at my high school. Teachers would jokingly say I was trying to steal their jobs. I won English Student of the Year my senior year. Everyone knew I would end up being an English major except me.

So why didn’t I choose English from the get-go? Simple: I didn’t want to do what was expected of me. Our generation is so weighted down by expectations, whether it is from our family, friends, teachers, or the media. It is natural to want to rebel… but rebellion isn’t always right. Sometimes the expectations others hold for you, annoyingly, are exactly the ones you should hold for yourself.

Once I decided on English during my sophomore year, everything else fell into place. Everything I was learning became suddenly interesting. I actually looked forward to doing my reading assignments and going to class every day. I found kindred spirits not only in my peers but my professors. I was finally embracing my genuine self, and it felt good. I knew this was how college should feel: exploring a subject you are passionate about and learning about not only the material at hand but yourself. This kind of happiness and self-acceptance was something I always strived for but never truly obtained. I can only hope my future career brings me as much joy as my major has brought me over these years.

I will graduate this December with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English. Am I one-hundred percent certain of what I want to do in five years? No. Am I one-hundred percent certain of my decision to pursue an English degree? Yes. I genuinely hope every college student can say the same about their major. Don’t get caught up in the money, expectations, and fear. Go with your gut and do what you love. Everything else will follow. TC mark









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This is life.
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Like many law students who grew up marathoning Law & Order, being on the mock trial team is the closest I’ll ever get to being Casey Novak (loans are knocking, so big law calls, unforch). Mock trial is like playing lawyer. You and your partner are given a packet of evidence to prepare for both defense and plaintiff sides, and then during trial you get to do direct and cross-examination on witnesses.

After closing arguments, the judge sometimes breaks character and offers helpful critiques. The judge isn’t actually a judge, of course, but usually a civil trial attorney who volunteered to get pro bono hours and have a captive audience for war stories. They are sure to regale with tales of The Best Question They Ever Asked on Cross and The Most Powerful Theme They Ever Used for Defense. Cue kiss-ass “wows” and “that’s amazings” from students.

However, one judge recently made a comment that I can’t shake. He noted that during trial, the women (we made up three out of the four mockers) mumbled to ourselves in between questioning witnesses. It showed, or gave the appearance of, a lack of self-confidence.

My female law school colleagues are some of the most brilliant people I’ve met—intimidatingly so—but it is striking to notice how many of us introduce comments in class with a mumbled disclaimer. Why aren’t we confident in our contributions, even when we intuitively know that they’re valid?

Besides it probably being annoying to the professor who really just wants to quickly move on from picking apart the Chevron Doctrine for the thousandth straight year (amiright, law compadres?!), the mumbled disclaimer tells your listener that what you are saying isn’t strong enough to stand on its own. 

Disclaimers clearly don’t make our contributions stronger—quite the opposite. But the funny thing is, none of us know what we’re doing or what we’re talking about, men included—it’s all an act.

On the flip side, men are doing themselves a service when, without starting with “I’m not sure if this is right…” or “I’m sorry, I was wondering…” they talk aggressively in class or assert unsubstantiated points at meetings. When guys blurt out an argument with no self-skepticism, we all are more likely to accept whatever they’re saying, even if it’s completely ludicrous (looking at you, Scalia).

Ladies, we are doing ourselves a disservice by acknowledging through visible, audible discomfort that we aren’t 100% convinced of our own arguments. Instead, we should be asking questions, asserting answers, and making arguments without letting everyone else know that we have no idea what we’re doing. TC mark









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1. What the hell is he doing? Does he think I like this? Time to take over

2. Pleaseee don’t finish, this is too amazing to stop right now.

3. Why isn’t he making any sounds? I can’t tell if he’s bored or just really focused.

4. Wait, am I going to cum or is that just a rush of excitement that will pass?

5. Woah, rein in the tongue buddy.

6. Am I being too aggressive?

7. Would it sound weird if I told him to pull my hair? Because he needs to put some aggression into this bitch.

8. Charlie Horse! Just finish, get off him and play it off girl!

9. No I don’t want to switch into a different position again. This is perfect and I’d like for you to get me off at some point today.

10. Ew, don’t say I love you right now. It kills my mood.

11. Okay, finish already, it’s just not gonna happen this time.

12. I’m so hungry! Should I have pizza or sushi after this? Definitely pizza! TC mark









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